Do not think me gentle because I speak in praise of gentleness, or elegant because I honour the grace that keeps this world. I am a [wo]man crude as any, gross of speech, intolerant, stubborn, angry, full of fits and furies. That I may have spoken well at times, is not natural. A wonder is what it is. (Wendell Berry)

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Victoria says... Naps.

After reading the "He Said, She Said" post on Naps, I feel like I have to tell you guys about my most recent, exciting nap.

So the other day I lay down thinking that I just have to take a quick nap before going to bible study. I told my mom to wake me up at like five o'clock. That was going to give me a good hour to take a nap. I, unlike Troy, Heather or Amy (The Wonder Napper), cannot take a 20 minute nap. It just leaves me irritated that I couldn't fall asleep fast enough. So, I lay down and it was one of those days where I just passed out. I was on top of the covers on my bed, I didn't even prepare myself for a good nap (good nap preparation looks like actually going to bed.) So I passed out and didn't even dream. What seemed like five minutes later, my sister is waking me up and I'm laying in a pool of moisture and I'm like "Whu..who...what?..kaylee?nap?drool?why...DROOL!"

It. was. gross. I was like, am I a 90 year old man? or a six year old boy? that fell asleep? during first grade? and then got made fun of the rest of the week? and called "drool boy"? no girlfriend till fifth grade? old man?

Now, you must know that I do NOT normally drool. I promise. I've drooled like 4 times in my life... I swear I'm not gross.

Seriously though- great nap. I was like out. I woke up feeling years younger- almost like I was 20 instead of 22. It was one of those naps that I didn't even dream. GREAT nap.

It leaves me thinking though, I think that if you don't drool often... and you drool every once in a while just during random naps... and the nap was AWESOME... that you're not so gross... I hope.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

From my friend Amanda's bedroom...

I've been doing a lot of moving around lately. In the last two weeks, I haven't slept in the same bed more than three nights in a row. I'm a bed hopper. *proceeds to jump on bed giggling then falls down and resumes post*

Just kidding, I didn't jump on the bed. (Amanda reads my blog)

Anyways... The last week has been busy but good. I've had a couple of meetings that resulted in a couple more monthly supporters so that's SUPER. I also feel like doors for more opportunities to share what I'm doing keep opening up left and right.

I'm supposed to be going home next week but I feel like there is a lot more to do here. I think I'm going to go home anyway for a couple of weeks and get my visa stuff in order so that I can come back here next month at some point and submit that and raise more. LOTS TO DO, PEOPLE, LOTS TO DO!

We've also been watching some of the Olympics... Phelps is RIDIC!... and the little Chinese girl gymnasts are definitely 16 years old guys... COMBINED. Also ridic, but in a different way.

The last couple of days I've had lunch meetings and dinner things with people and I feel like crap because yesterday I had Five Guys (for those of you who have been out of America for a while- best burgers and fries EVER- seriously... NO SERIOUSLY) and it was after two days of eating crap and I feel like I'm covered in hamburger meat and deep fried. That's gross. I'm only eating carrots for three days. Not really- But that's what I'm going to pretend all of my food is.




That is all.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Reliable

Like I've said fifty times, I've been reading through Psalms. I'm up to Psalm 78. I feel like the last couple of psalms I've read I've been underlining like it's my job. I'm really diggin it.

So something that caught my eye in Psalm 78 was verse 57. David is writing about how unfaithful the Israelites were and how the Lord responded to their unfaithfulness. Often, for short periods of time, the Lord would let disaster overtake them but he was unfailing in his mercy towards them. While David is venting, he says, "Like their fathers they were disloyal and faithless, as unreliable as a faulty bow."

This is the first time in scripture that I can recall reading anything about reliability. After reading this verse I had to ask myself, am I reliable? My first thought was to measure my reliability in terms of how I am with people, but I don't think that's what this verse implies. I think the question here is, "Am I reliable to the Lord?"

Is my character and reliability such that, if the Lord were not all knowing, he would still put spiritually dying people in my path? If He really wanted something done, and put me in a position to do it, and if he were not all knowing, would I disappoint?

I'm sure I often do disappoint but my prayer is that I become a reliable tool in the Lord's hands. I want to be consistent and reliable to behave the way the Lord has asked, so that if he were not all knowing, He could still count on me. I want him to be able to say, "I'll stick Victoria there. She always comes through."

*end normal post*

What kind of post would it be if I didn't have a picture. So! Things that are reliable (just to give you a visual):


Thursday, August 07, 2008

Top Ten Summer Foods

After reading Troy and Heather's blog, "He Said, She Said" (see link to the left) I decided to add my opinions about the top ten best summer foods- mostly because they (read Troy... Heather is pretty normal...) skipped all the good ones and added ones like powdered donuts and bacon bits... ridiculous. SO! Without further ado-

Victoria's Top Ten Summer Foods Extravaganza

1. Potato salad or macaroni salad with NO mustardy flavoring whatsoever.

2. Watermelon (me and my mom used to get a whole one and cut it in half and eat it like they were two bowls of watermelon.)

3. Ribs.. or really any pork products cooked outside with some sort of BBQ sauce... but not hotdogs.

4. Corn on the Cob

5. FUNNEL CAKES!

6. Good, ripe peaches. Goin to the country... gonna eat me a lotta peaches. PEACHES PEACHES IN A CAN! THEY WERE PUT THERE BY A MAN!

7. Strawberry shortcake. The kind with those frozen strawberries PLUS real ones so you get the sugary syrupy syrup with it and the "shortcake" made out of bisquick! MMM!

8. Popsicles. Not American ones- the ones you get from the kioskos in Madrid. There's this one kind that has like, this mangoey inside with these strips of other flavors spiraled around the outside... omagoodness.

9. ICEE's... NOT slurpies or slushies. Those are way different and, although they are good, they cannot touch a freshly made ICEE. I haven't had one in a really long time though. But I want one. Now.

10. I'm gonna go ahead and mention potato salad again because it is so delicious. I could eat a bowl of it for every meal during the months of May, June, July and August. But remember- NO mustard.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Hey Jude



Jude 20-25
But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.
Be merciful to those who doubt; snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.
To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.

I liked this a lot. The "snatch others from the fire" reminds me of a poem that I read a while back- it's my favorite poem ever:

Some want to live within the sound of church or chapel bell;
I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of hell.

I'm sure that's been on my blog before but I was reminded of it recently. Pretty cool. I hope that's my life because everything else seems so boring.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Monday, July 21, 2008

From my friend Roxy's bedroom:

Hi. So I'm up in Virginia- Vienna more specifically... Actually even MORE exact, I'm in My friend Roxy's bedroom in Vienna sitting on the bed. That's where I am. In case you were wondering. Which I know you all were.

ANYWAYS, I've been up for a couple of days. It's been nice seeing people I haven't seen in a while and I saw the movie BATMAN which was AMAZING. Really good movie. Really. WAAAY better than Wall-E. I had to shut my eyes at one point because I was scared something was gonna happen but it didn't so it's okay. Vague, I know, but I don't wanna ruin the movie for anyone. But you should see it. All of you.

I'm also off to the Dominican Republic on Wednesday morning- like five am. That'll be exciting. I'm really looking forward to it. I'll let you know how it went when I get back so I won't be updating for awhile.

Nothing else TOO exciting- well, that's a lie, but I can't write EVERYTHING on my blog- has happened so that is all. For now.

Monday, July 14, 2008

An Interesting Week

So this week a lot has been going on.
I'm planning on going back up to Virginia on Wednesday to raise more support for a while and go to the Dominican Republic on a missions trip with my old church. I've been in NC for like twoish or more? months now (it's late and I can't remember) and I haven't had ANYONE to hang out with this whole time. Like, no friends. My family is great and everything but sometimes you need friends. So yeah, no friends until like the last week and a half and I've been hanging out with people for the last couple of days. I'm like, crap. Why now.

The next couple weeks are gonna be crazy. I don't really know what to do to raise more support and I don't feel prepared at all. So that's all about that.

Malaki turned one this weekend too. It's been fun hanging out with him. He's getting super cute. I hope he remembers me when I get back.

I'm going to miss talking to one person in particular I met recently. Darn.

My Nana (the Ukrainian one) will be living with us for the next month. I won't be around so she'll be staying in my room. Apparently she was getting tired of living with my uncle so she called me Wednesday night and was like "can you come up to Virginia and get me?" so that was random. So she'll be here for a while. On our way back from VA I got the abstinence talk for like an hour. She said, "If boy touch you, you kick him in butt and say 'I don' need you.'" Good call. I've logged that away.

I saw Wall-E. Not great. It was about robots falling in love. That robot in that G-rated movie got farther with the other robot than I have in real life. SAD. I am excited though to see the new Batman which comes out in a couple of days. So that's cool.

I've been learning a lot about fasting lately. I highly recommend it for anyone that feels in any sort of "funk." Instead of deciding to fast certain times during the month I've been experimenting with this sort of "lifestyle" of fasting. You fast for longer periods of time and only eat when you must, like before work or before physical activity you know will require food. You may eat one small meal per day, but you're still in an attitude of fasting and can go longer than if you're eating no food. The Lord's been working through that in me so that's pretty exciting. I still lack wisdom and discernment and conviction in areas that I need it though so I really want to continue with it. I just feel like sometimes I have sooo far to go before I can be used by the Lord. I know that's not true but I feel so illequipped sometimes.

I should go to bed. I got stuff I gotta do tomorrow. Please pray for me. I'm getting a little overwhelmed by life right now.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Psalm Index: Book II




Yes folks... It has been a while but I have indeed finished PSALM INDEX BOOK DEUX! It took me longer than the first book because I've been going through First Corinthians at the same time. SO, without further ado- I give you, my index.

Chapters 42-72
What God has for me- 56,57,65,66,68,71
Distress/Depression- 42,49,55,60,61,66,68,69
Sleep- Chapters 42,62,63
Who God is/God's Power- 44,46,49,52,59,62,63,64,65,66,68,71,72
Plea for Help- 44,55
Warnings/Bad personality Traits- 49,50, 53,58,62
What God wants from me- 50,51,54,55,64,66,69
Confession- 51,69
Fear- 56

I hope that encourages someone somewhere to get into scripture to deal with stuff that's happening to you.
The first installment is here.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Six months today.

Ug. Support raising is booty. I don't want to be in the United States right now and I certainly don't want to be working at Denny's. I'm beginning to get frustrated with it all. I know the money will come and I know the Lord wants me back in Madrid, but it's the whole process of getting there and all the steps I have to go through that take effort. I'm just generally irritated right now.
My time with the Lord was going good for a while and then not so good because I never can seem to be faithful. I'm starting to get apathetic. Like- I just don't want to do anything at all, good or bad. I just want to sit and wait for something to happen. Blech. Bad feelings.
I know it's just a matter of time before I snap out of this funk- I'm a lot less dramatic this time, as in I know this wont last forever... it probably wont even last that long, but it's still a sucky place to be. I guess that's what a full six months here without Christian fellowship- real fellowship- will do to a person. Although, I guess that's just me blaming my crap on the lack of other people.
I can't believe I've been here for six months. I don't know whether that's encouraging or that makes me want to give up.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

No mind has conceived.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."- Isaiah 64:4


I can't tell you how many times I've glossed over this verse and thought, wow, I wonder what great thing God has for me. I read it again a day or so ago in First Corinthians 2 where Paul is talking about what God has freely given us. Then it dawned on me. This verse was being quoted from Isaiah. This verse is about Jesus.

God is telling the Jews that their minds could not conceive of the gift he would be bringing them, the gift above all gifts, the gift of Jesus' atoning death on a cross. No one could have guessed that this gift would be the murder of God, who had come in the flesh, at their own hands.

This was the gift for those who loved God! This gift was infinitely more loving than merely delivering Israel physically and putting a Jewish man on the throne. No eye could envision scourging God, no ear could feign hearing the curtain rip! How much more loving an action than protecting that curtain!

When I expect God to protect my interests, or even my own self, am I asking for something less loving than what he has for me? My life might be more glorifying to God if he rips me rather than shields me. We must let God rip that which he originally knit together.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Thursday, June 05, 2008

I Corinthians 1:30ish

So I've been going through First Corinthians. It's been great. I've been learning a lot and I feel like I should share some of it so WOOH.

1:30 "It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus who has become for us wisdom from God- that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption."


In this verse, Paul is equating wisdom with righteousness, holiness and redemption. Since they don't mean the same thing, it occurred to me that he's not saying that they are the same thing, but that they are equal in some other way. So I looked at the things righteousness, holiness and redemption have in common. The two things that we know about them we might not know about wisdom- that they are 1. freely given by God and cannot be earned and 2. that they are vital in a relationship of intimacy with Christ.

The first idea, that they are free gifts of grace, means that we cannot earn wisdom. I didn't really know this. I mean, the book of James talks about the Lord giving wisdom to he who asks for it, but it never occurred to me that you cannot gain wisdom by your own might any more than you can gain holiness or redemption. This is important for a couple of reasons- study can make you more knowledgeable, but like the rest of 1 Corinthians says, Christ crucified is foolishness to the world. Only the Lord gives wisdom which is great because you can be the dumbest buck on the planet but be wise if you know the gospel and have an intimate relationship with God.

That brings me to my second point. The value of righteousness, holiness and redemption lies in the fact that they open up a way to the Lord and keep that channel open. I never thought that wisdom might be important to this relationship- but the more I thought about it, the more it makes sense. Wisdom is the benefit that comes from reaping the fruits of righteousness, holiness and redemption. If we come to know the Lord and continue to know him- we gain wisdom from that- which then in turn means that wisdom is our intimate knowledge of God. It cannot be gained by mere study or knowing about God- it can only be gained as we give ourselves to the Lord and he in turn gives himself back. True wisdom only has value in its ability to bring further into that relationship of intimacy.

So basically, spending time with the Lord equips you to spend even more time with him- which is what's special about heaven, which brings more heaven to earth, which means that the kingdom of God comes a little bit more as we gain wisdom and redemption and wooh.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

No.

Okay, so I have a little obsession with posting video clips. I can't help it. This one is also hilarious and goes with the last video I posted. Enjoy.

Ya Sabía.

This is a video I stole from Kelly's cousin's blog. It is hilarious.

My 101st Post


my show #2 from Victoria Stembokas on Vimeo.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Aesthetic

Sometimes when I'm bored I browse through Flicker's random "interestingness."
Here are some pictures that caught my attention. They go in order of favoriteness so as to save the best for last.


I like this because I remember learning about the Dewey Decimal System in elementary school using the card catalogs. That was in like 1991. The other memory I associate with this is walking through a green tunnel of trees and leaves to get home after school. I don't think I should have been walking home from school by myself but I remember doing it anyway. It was a long walk and all I remember is the green.

I like this picture because of the perspective and the colors. I like the card catalog picture because of the focus, and this one takes the focus and depth to the next level. I also like the shinyness. I'd like to sit on that bench. The air around it seems cool and humid.

I really like this picture because it captures motion somehow better than most pictures. I know it's because of the blurry v. stationary image, but for some reason the longer I look at it, the longer I feel like I'm rushing backwards.

I like this picture because of the title that was given by the artist: "Used to be two cups." I find that sad and want to know what happened to the drinker of the other cup.

This one is my favorite. I like it because she's older but she's very beautiful. I think that age in itself is beautiful. There's something about youth that doesn't seem complete... like if she were younger she'd be missing something. I think her wrinkles are what makes the picture.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Public Recognition

I feel like this picture has not gotten the public recognition it deserves. So I'm posting it so you can just look at it.



Troy: When I think of you in my head, this is what I see.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

A Less Happy Post

Being kind of smart has some downsides. This May all of my friends are graduating. All of the kids at SLU-Madrid that I knew as a freshman that are still there will be walking down the sidewalk to snicker at the dean’s crazy chest hair without me. I’m actually really bummed out. I graduated and everything; I have my diploma to prove it. But I have no pictures, no cap, no gown, no tassle to hang off the rearview mirror of my car, no “Congrats” cards, no fancy black dress I can show my kids and say “this is what I wore the day I graduated college.” I didn’t have a graduation party. I didn’t get to really celebrate the end of school with all my friends. My teachers didn’t know it was my last semester so I didn’t get to say bye to any of them either. It’s true I’ll be going back to Madrid, and I may even get involved in campus ministry there, but it wont be the same. There will be different kids- not even my freshmen from my dorm will be there anymore because they’re all leaving this semester- the same time all my school friends will be leaving.
I am really sad about that. I feel like I missed out on a rite of passage I can never get back. It feels sort of like my botched highschool graduation. It seems like every time I have some cause to celebrate something important in my life it gets totally screwed up.

If I get married, no one is invited. I’ll just stand there alone, swearing.

If there were mice in my room, I'd have something interesting to write about.

But, since I'm home in North Carolina again, there are no mice, hence my writers block.

It's weird coming home. I'm glad to be here but it feels a little bit like a step backward. My goal while I'm here is to plan a solid two weeks of meetings and home groups and whatnot in the future, probably June, and in the meantime work. I'm not really sure where I'm going to find a job.

I've become kind of resolved to the idea that I'm not going to make it to staff conference. That is a major disappointment. I know I'll live, and I keep asking God to let me go, but I don't see how it could happen at this point. I know it's possible, I just keep asking. The thing is, I want to go, but I don't if God doesn't want me to, but I still do, but if me going means I'll contract the plague or get trampled by a moose or *gasp* stay spoiled, I don't want to but I still really want to go. If you followed that.

I just had my first house meeting too. Two people came. There were technically three people there because the guy that lived there stayed, five if you include the dogs. That was also a bit of a bummer, but praise God anyway because I got a new supporter, if not two. The meeting itself went really well actually and I'm glad the people who came were there because all-in-all it was good. I know this is probably not new news to anyone who reads this blog, since most of you live off of support, but I feel like if people could just come to things I invite them too, it would be way easier to raise money.

The only thing that really frustrates me right now is people telling me that I am discouraged. I must hear that more often than anything else.
"I know you're discouraged but..."
"Just don't be discouraged."
"blah blah discourage blah discouragement blabby blah discouraged BLAH!"
And I haven't even been whining!

I really am not discouraged. The Lord has been doing some good things in my heart. I'm realizing now that support raising isn't about raising money- God could get me that money in five minutes, especially because I buy lottery tickets. Support raising is about God changing my heart and making me more like him, which takes much longer because it involves my cooperation which never really goes as planned because it involves a human element called "Victoria" in the Latin Vulgate. So I'm not discouraged. I've been reading the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis so even if I were discouraged I wouldn't give the devil the satisfaction of knowing it! But, I'm not. SO STOP TELLING ME I AM OR I'LL DISCOURAGE YOUR FACE.

Back to what God's doing in my heart: I'm definitely gentler with words.

Okay but for real. I've been doing a lot of reading on prayer lately. And I've been doing a lot of practical application of that reading called, are you ready?- praying. I've started writing in my journal again which has been great because I have to process everything that's going on. I avoided that for a while because I didn't want to "deal" with certain things in my life but I realized that's a cop out and just pure mental laziness. So I've stopped being mentally lazy and now I'm doing a lot more thinking. Most of the time I fall asleep but I'm TRYING and STOP telling me I'm DISCOURAGED and COME to my HOUSE MEETINGS when I TELL YOU and I made REALLY GOOD LASAGNA today so SHUT UP.


aaaaaand scene.

Monday, April 14, 2008

My Weekend

So this weekend was good. I went down to North Carolina to visit my family because it was my sister's birthday. All in all, great weekend with lots of food. Here are some pictures I took of my nephew. He turned nine months old yesterday! Crazy:



Monday, April 07, 2008

How to Rescue a Woman from a Beast

So thank you all for commenting on my last post. One comment stuck out especially to me. Paul's comment was, "as a future husband, i don't really know what one could have done in that mouse situation. but yes, a meat tenderizer is quite handy." That was in response to Troy's comment that suggested I sleep with a meat tenderizer quite close to protect myself.
I realized after reading Paul's comment, the poor bloke probably doesn't know how to protect his woman, Kelly, from beasts. That's okay, Paul, that's why there are blogs where you can ask important relationship questions in total anonymity. I just want to do my part in helping Christian men be men.

To Protect Women from Beasts:

Here is what the proper response to my mouse situation would have been had there been a man that had any ounce of decency nearby during my dilemma:

Victoria: "CRAP! CRAP GUYS, CRAP"

Man: "What is it, my love?" (please imagine deep, booming voice and chest hair)

Victoria: "A beast has screeched across my floor thus striking terror within my bosom. CRAP."

Man: "Never fear! I can bench press a horse drawn carriage, I'll save you!" *note to men, if you cannot bench press a horse drawn carriage, start doing pushups. Those help.*
The man proceeds to pick up Victoria so there is a full six feet between her and the ground. He then awaits further instructions.

Victoria: "Carry me to safety!"

The man proceeds to carry Victoria to the nearest safe place where she can watch him slay the beast.

You'll note at this point in the story that Troy's comment comes in handy. That is because Troy has been married for quite some time, and knows how to handle women.(now I'm sucking up because he's my boss.) Troy mentioned I might need a meat tenderizer. Since he is a married man, he knows about weapons. For our story however, I am manicuring my nails on my satin litter while the Brawny man is slaying the ROUS and it is he, not I, that needs the weapon.
Back to my story...

The man then chooses from one of his many sized clubs and maces; this one resembles a meat tenderizer that would literally tenderize a full grown cow. The man is strong enough to fell a tree in one swoop, so this type of tenderizing weapon is not an exaggeration.

Victoria: "Careful my love, I'm too young to be widowed."

Man: "Calm thy nerves, the hottness, I shall sing to you while I hunt and slay the beast."

Man sings a nice song where all the names have been replaced by mine. I record song to play for all my girlfriends later on so we can giggle at man.

The man proceeds to rip apart walls until he stares down the monster and the creature of doom dies from fear from my beloved instead of any inhumane treatment. I'm not cruel! The man turns and looks at Victoria while the sun sets behind him... (the screen goes dark here, I'm not sure what happens next.)

That is how you slay a beast when it is threatening a woman in distress.

Either that or the chick sleeps on the couch and Mr. Pullen comes and puts rat poison behind the walls the next day.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Good Times

So this week has been amazing. I've been super busy but I've really seen what the Lord is doing lately. There have been a couple of times where I've sat back and been like, "are you serious, Lord??" In a good way. I will probably write about this more at some point, it's really late and I'm feeling rambly and I don't want to go to bed yet.

I ate dinner by myself today. It was nice. I feel like I'm the only person on earth who will go to restaurants by myself just so I don't have to talk to anyone. As much of a yacker as I am most of the time, I really enjoy just not talking. I was going to type "silence" but when I'm by myself I'm not really silent either... I'm always thinking of something but it's nice to not have to verbalize everything in my head. It might just be lazy

CRAPPETY CRAPPIN CRAP A MOUSE JUST RAN ACROSS THE FLOOR. what do i do? im in the basement and i can't go tell the pullens, hey there's a mouse down here. he just ran from under my bed to where my CLOTHES are stacked on the floor. i KNEW i heard something last night but i didn't know what it was. WHAT IF IT HAS RABIES??? CRAP GUYS. i really don't know if i should sleep in my bed.
bleeeeeek.
im still sitting here... i have to walk past it to shut off the light and go to bed. i'm not even kidding, i couldn't have planned this blog drama better. i've already titled this post "good times." im not sure if i should change it. right at this moment, im not feeling like these are good times.
i really want to go to bed but im worried that mouse is gonna eat my stuff.... i used to have a pet mouse... THIS IS WAY DIFFERENT. i cant see it. UG thats the worst, if i only knew where it was i could... i dont know what i would do, but i'd feel better. this is a good example of the times i wish i had a husband. crap.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Victoria Said... Tickling

Okay, so first of all, I take it back, you guys are nice people that comment. High fives all around. Second of all, this post is in response to Troy and Heather's blog "He Said, She Said" which you can find to your left. If you haven't read their latest post, I recommend it. Then come back here.

Okay, so tickling.

Let me begin by saying that the only reason I'm responding to this one particular blog is because I have very strong feelings about this subject and I'm not living near anyone who reads this blog right now, so I'm safe.

I never understood girls who, as a form of flirting, would run past a boy who tried to grab her and go "EEEEEEK I'm soooo ticklish, *giggleidiotgiggle*." I would stand back and most likely roll my eyes in disgust. This is why:

Any girl who is truly ticklish will tell no one. Everyone knows announcing to the public where one is ticklish is only an invitation to shoot your hands like a grappling hook at whoever said it. That is why no one really knows my little secret. I divulge this with no exaggeration. I am the most ticklish person in the world.

When we were little, my sister's favorite game was to wave her hands in a tickly motion IN THE AIR around my stomach and it would send me into fits of laughter. Just the thought of being tickled sent me into hysterics. She knew better, however, than to actually touch me.

The last person who actually touched me doesn't exist anymore. You have been warned.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Three Seasons down, One left to go.

Okay, so apparently I'm not gonna get comments no matter what I write. I mean, come on guys. A serious biblical post followed by literally my funniest post ever. I even put a video up and NOTHING. NADA. NIL.
Whatever, I'm totally over it.
Not.

I don't really have anything to say actually. I just feel compelled to write something because I want people to keep reading this... not that I'll ever know they read it because NO ONE COMMENTS. Except for Amanda. And Gretchen wrote me an email. Those people rock. For the rest of you though... sleep with one eye open. That's right! Even you madrileñas... I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too.

I really really don't know what to write. I'm rambling here. Struggling for words. I'm going to a bridal shower this weekend. I bought the four piece kitchen utensil set off of the Target registry. Classy. I know. Ummmmmmmmmm...... Oh I'll talk about some music.

So Jon Foreman, lead singer of Switchfoot, has been coming out with his own albums. In the fall, one came out named "Fall". In the winter, one came out named "Winter". Guess what came out two days ago? "Spring". I'm stoked to listen to it. I have it waiting for me on my iTunes. I don't know why I haven't listened to it yet- I think it's because I want to create some anticipation. I want to be fully prepared to hear it in all its wonder. It's almost like we're dating right now and I'm just waiting for that day... you know what day I mean... OUR TWENTY FOUR HOUR ANNIVERSARY where whatshisface buys me a soda at the Kangaroo.


I'm gonna ask for one of those soft oatmeal cookies to go along with it.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Like, Seriously.

This is my blog, and if this makes you uncomfortable, that's too bad.


OMG from Victoria Stembokas on Vimeo.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Psalms: Book I

So like I said before, I've been going through the book of Psalms. Today I finished "Book I." Book I includes Psalm 1-41. About half way through I realized that I'd never in my life remember all the cool stuff I was reading. It seemed certain Psalms stuck out to me for certain reasons and I'd read most of them while saying to myself, "self, this would be great for when you feel like (insert emotion here)." Knowing that I'd never remember that when I was actually feeling (insert same emotion), I thought, HEY I'll make a bookmark with all this stuff and put it in the beginning of Psalms so when I'm feeling (again, note the pattern...), I can know where to go. SO... behold.



It fits so purty.

So here's what I got. These are the things that stick out to me, and some are just verses out of chapters that I underlined and then stuck the chapter in the category, so it's pretty personalized, however, if you want to know what Psalms to go to for confession or for fear, I thought I'd put it on my blog. You'll have to make your own little bookmark though.

Psalms Index- Book I (Chapters 1-41)
Scripture/Meditation on the law: Chapters 1,12, 18,19,33
God's Sovereignty: Chapters 2,16,20,22,27,29,30
Fear: Chapters 3,16,20,23,27,34
Anger: Chapter 4
Confession of Sin: Chapters 19,25,32,38,39,40
God is Near and Hears: Chapters 5,9,10,11,13,18,22,23,25,27,28,30,31,34,40
Waiting: Chapters 5,13,16,27,31,33,37,40
Bad Personality Traits/Warnings: Chapters 5,7,9,10,12,14,15,16,19,28,36,37
God's Majesty and Handiwork: Chapters 8,18,19,24,29,33
Frustration: Chapters 13,22,25,39
Holy Hill: Chapters 15,24,26
Sleep: Chapters 3,4,16,23
What God has for me: Chapters 16,27,31,39,40

So there it is. I'm hoping to keep going so eventually there will be a books II-V. This has been cool though. I encourage you to do it yourself at some point, I'm getting a lot out of it.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Psalm 13

Anyone who's known me for longer than five minutes is bound to know that I have a lot going through my head. I'm not necessarily a busy person with a lot of things to keep track of, it's more that I have fifty useless but brain consuming things going on in my head simultaneously. These things are things like:

1. if a tidal wave were to come over the horizon right now, what would my escape route be?
2. will my grandparents be in heaven? are my great grandparents?
3. do tattoos really hurt that bad?
4. is God really real? is this just some giant delusion I'm a part of or am I just part of the minority that has it figured out?
5. if I had a million dollars and one day to spend it, what would I do?
6. how bad do I want chicken parmesan right now?
g. are my cousins okay? if my littlest cousin isn't being taken care of like I hear, is it my duty to take her and raise her and have to live in America forever?
8. is the world really going to end in 2012 like the Incas on the history channel said?

This is just a sampling of what went through my head yesterday in like, probably an hour. I'm always wrestling with my thoughts- always. It's exhausting and it makes me want to be apathetic about real things that are happening because the world seems so big and daunting in my head.
Most of the time, it's the questions about God that keep me up. It's the questions about if I'm doing everything I can to be open to his leading, questions about Hell, questions about whether or not there is any hope for certain people in my life... the list goes on and on.

I've been reading through Psalms lately. I've always thought they were pretty superficial- people are way more impressed with, "yeah, I've been studying the migratory patterns of the sheep of Israel in Habakkuk" than "I'm reading Psalms." The reason I started reading Psalms actually was because of these thoughts in my head all the time. I wanted something light and airy that I could just read and be like, oh, how nice, and then go to bed without contemplating the universe first.
But how I was mistaken, gentle readers, but HOW!

Psalm thirteen was written for people like me. Verse two says "How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?" That verse really stuck out to me because most days, this is how I feel. Anyways, it goes on in verses five and six to say "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me."

I thought this was great because focusing on 1. the Lord's unfailing love, 2. our salvation, and 3. the Lord's goodness to me, always redirects my thoughts to somewhere where there is hope for the world and there's hope for me. This passage is even more beautiful to us, nowadays, than it was when it was written because we can contemplate our salvation fully now that we know Christ. If the doctrine of grace, the Lord's unmerited favor, cannot soothe my weary mind, I don't know what can. It reminds me that my burdens fall on Christ's shoulders alone if I'll let him take them. I prove to myself every day that they're too heavy for me alone to bear.

In closing, if you haven't read through Psalms in a while and you already understand Habakkuk, I recommend it. I'll be posting more about more of them soon.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

How I'm Doing

So the last week or so has been good. I'm up in Northern Virginia for like the next two months. This support raising has been a little harrowing. I feel like there's a lot of work to do but a lot of waiting involved which I'm not normally good at;but, I'm learning.
Virginia has been kind of lonely, which I wasn't expecting at all. I mean, I've seen people and gotten to hang out with some good friends, but it's weird- I don't feel like I belong here anymore. I guess that's a good thing because if I did feel like I belonged I'd want to stay for longer than I'm able, but it's still weird. I feel like it's also a time in which I'm meant to focus on seeking the Lord for companionship and comfort. Sounds gooshy but whatever. I've been really convicted of spending most of my down time doing useless stuff instead of spending it in prayer or in study or even reading something beneficial.
I'm also a little discouraged lately because people keep saying things to me like, "well if your student loan is that high, I can't see you going straight onto the missions field..." or "hey, I found a job for you next year teaching, you know, if this whole missions thing doesn't work out..." or " you know, missions is usually something retirees do when they have money to blow. You're wasting your education..." Literally, word for word. I'm not even embellishing this time.
Usually I retort with some witty comeback like "you're a ho," or "well, I really feel called to Spain so I know God will come up with the money..." One of the two. But after hearing it from the people that I was expecting to be most supportive, it knocked me back and made me ask, "Have I really been called? Is this something I just really want to do? or is this something God is asking me to do? or both?" It's a tough question and I don't honestly know the answer. I do know, however, that the more I talk to people about what I'm going into, the more passionate about it I get and that I could talk all day long about my church, Oasis.
On the other hand, I feel like out of most people, I'm really irresponsible and I've taken a lot for granted in my life. I feel like I've had a lot handed to me. I feel like if there were ever a shoe to drop, now's the time, and it would be totally appropriate for God to be like, okay, you had a great four years, but welcome to your real life and the real world.
I know God isn't a cosmic killjoy, but I feel like the life I'm trying to prepare for is too good to be true and definitely too good for someone like me.
I also know God is gracious.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

For All Missionaries

I was skipping through blogs the other day and I came across John Calvin's commentary on Philippians 2:21. I read his commentary before I read the verse- so that's the order I'll write it in. It's worth reading.

"For you must give up your own right if you would discharge your duty: a regard to your own interest must not be put in preference to Christ's glory, or even placed upon a level with it. Withersoever Christ calls you, you must go promptly, leaving off all other things. Your calling ought to be regarded by you in such a way that you shall turn away all your powers of perception from everything that would impede you. It might be your power to live elsewhere in greater opulence, but God has bound you to the Church, which affords you but a very moderate sustenance.
(haha) You might elsewhere have more honour, but God has assigned you to a situation, in which you live in a humble style. You might have elsewhere a more salubrious [healthful] sky, or a more delightful region, but it is here that your station is appointed. You might wish to have to do with a more humane people. You feel offended with their ingratitude, or barbarity, or pride; in short, you have no sympathy with the disposition of the manners of the nation in which you are, but you must struggle with yourself, and do violence in a manner to opposing inclinations, that you may keep by the trade you have got; for you are not free, or at your own disposal. In fine, forget yourself, if you would serve God."

AMEN, right? Wow. Here's to doing violence to opposing inclinations and turning away all our powers of perception to other things. Troy said something like this to me before I left for America, something about being where I am right now 100%. So yeah. I think all people working in ministry should know this quote. Plus, Calvin uses the word withersoever.

Now here's how Paul put it in Philippians. "For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ."
Succinct Paul, succinct.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Not the weirdest dream I've ever had but still weird.

Last night I had a dream that I was being chased my a "Voldemort Snake." I was in this giant room that was divided in half by a wall that went only half way to the ceiling. On either side of the wall there were pews. All along the ceiling there was scaffolding that you could hide in. It was all some sort of game- you had to hide from the snake or he would eat you. Pretty fun, eh? I was hiding under the pews for a while between the wall and the first set of pews. I thought the snake would smell me with his little tongue smellers and I'd get eaten, but I didn't. Then someone moved the pew because the other people I was playing this "game" with were MEANIES. Then I climbed up the scaffolding and was like "what kind of hiding place is this? you can see through scaffolding..." Then I got mad. Then I started thinking of the snake that Jafar, the evil sorcerer, turns into at the end of Aladdin. Then I wasn't sure if the snake was Jafar or Dumbledore. I still don't know. I woke up because the baby was crying- a pretty common occurrence lately.

It was definitely better than the dream I had the night before. I was fighting with an old friend- Joe Stroup- and he had a butcher knife and I had a coffee cup. It was one of those dreams that you're fighting for your life so you're not axed by your crazy butcher-knife wielding friend, but you can't really hit hard. Like I was swinging the coffee cup but my arm felt like Gumby.
I didn't get stabbed but I didn't beat Joe with the coffee cup either. Frustrating.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Victoria Said... Dreams

So this post is in response to Troy and Heather's post on Dreams. Check it out if you haven't read it.

So I come from a family where dreams are taken very seriously. Seriously.
I think it's an Eastern European thing- I get it from the Ukrainian side of my family- my maternal grandmother's side. I say it's an Eastern European thing because I've met quite a few people from Poland, Russia, Ukraine, and Romania and the topic of dreams having meaning comes up every so often. A lot of times most Americans will look at us and go, really? dream interpretation? you're serious? Yes. When am I not serious?

A lot of people, Christians especially, think of dream interpretation as some weird far-Eastern spiritual thing that can be likened to having a seance or astrological surfing. It's totally not, unless you're buying those weird dream interpretation books with moons and stars and unicorns on the front- I think that's a perversion of dream interpretation.*


(cover of weird dream interpretation book...the inside cover says things like "guide yourself and try using crystals under your pillow yadda yadda. that's how you know they're a bunch o' crazies.)

I think if you're open to being communicated with through dreams by the Lord, he'll totally speak to you that way. I think it happens more however if you're expecting it. For me, dreams are so important that it comes naturally to me to say "why wouldn't God reveal things to me in a dream?" However, I think sometimes the way we were brought up culturally has a big influence on how we communicate with God or allow him to communicate with us. For example: I have this Persian friend whose mother was born in Iran. She became a Christian and part of her normal worship is burning things on her stove to send up beautiful fragrances to the Lord. This would have never occurred to me! She burns all kinds of incense and things and delights in the idea that God likes the smell! I think that's so cool. But, I would have never done it and it isn't ingrained in me to do so I don't feel like I'm missing anything when I'm not doing it.
Make sense? My point is this: dreams are important to me and my family culturally, so if you don't ever remember your dreams or your dreams are mostly water polo, don't fret. You're not necessarily missing anything.

The things that my nana insists can be divulged by dreams are usually if you're going to get money, lose money, if you are going to make or have made a bad decision, and the hidden character of people close to you. She is a little eccentric so some of her hard and fast rules I think border on superstition. For example, if you dream that you're standing in clear water or there is a lot of water around, that is a good sign. That could mean money's coming or that you don't have to watch out for anything ominous. If you see a person with a lot of cats in your dream, that means that person is shady and you should watch out for them. These are a little more superstitious than the Lord speaking, but my mom's dreams for example are easily interpreted.

My mom has dreams about people all the time that show them to be sketchy characters long before she finds out about their hidden dealings. Most recently, she went out on a date with this guy and he asked her out again. She prayed long and hard (like she does with everything) and that night had a REALLY creepy dream about the guy. It's stuff like that that I've learned to trust.


You really have to be careful though. When I became a Christian and my grandma found out that I stopped going to mass, she told my mom the next day that she had a dream about me in a black wedding dress which clearly means that I got married to Satan. (pretty ominous) She was pretty upset and doesn't understand anything about protestantism so naturally, she thought I was leaving the flock for good.

For me, dreams are material things that carry weight as experiences. Obviously, not all of them have some sort of hidden meaning, but I think that they deserve to be prayed about and dissected a little bit before starting your day. Try praying especially for the random people that show up in your dreams. You'll be surprised at who starts coming up.

For those of you still reading the longest post EVER, thanks! And sorry it's kind of boring.


*I think real dream interpretation has to involve the Bible and prayer- like Joseph interpreting the dream for Pharaoh, the other witchy guys couldn't do it, but the Lord could.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

annoying stuff that is annoying

1. shutting off your computer thinking you saved the stuff you haven't actually saved in three days. after changing things. THREE DAYS WORTH OF THINGS! BLAHIDNGISDNG.
2. basically all technology.
3. my stupid *(Y$(@H#@E* dog who thinks my room is his own personal latrine.


man that's annoying.

in other news... here's a question to pose to the people who normally leave comments on my blog. when do you stop trying to be friends with someone? like there's only so many times you can contact a person and them not respond before you gotta be like, okay peace.
one of my best friends from highschool won't answer any of my calls and the last thing i heard was that she's pregnant. i think i've completely given up on her. there are other people out there too that i keep trying to talk to but it never happens- but now that i think about it i do that to other people too. i don't like that most of my relationships rely on facebook. i can comment on people's shoes, movie preferences or quizzes that they take but i have no idea how they are actually doing. i don't like that at all. this deserves more thought.

and finally, im going to tattoo the words "hit save" to my fingers. AHH im so annoyed.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Some quoteworthy quotes:

So I've been reading a book that Gretchen gave me for Christmas. It's called Markings by Dag Hammarskjöld. At first I was like, Sven who? It was originally written in Swedish so that's grounds to at least begin reading anything. My thoughts now:
Who cares who Klauss whoever is.. THIS BOOK IS AMAZING AND THE GUY WAS A GENIUS.
Markings is basically journal entries from this guy Dag Hammarskjöld who was a politician in Sweden between 1925 and 1950 when Europe was basically in constant turmoil. I'm only about a third of the way through the book but the amount of insight in ever single passage of his journal is outrageous. It makes all of my journal entries look like "Dear Diary, today Tommy Jones looked at me and I giggled." or "Dear Diary, why doesn't John Carlson ever smell bad? HE DOESN'T EVEN WEAR COLOGNE!"

So here are some snippets of what I've been reading. If you're tired, it's best to go take a nap and come back fresh.

"Openness to life grants a lightening-swift insight into the life situation of others. What is necessary?- to wrestle with your problem until its emotional discomfort is clearly conceived in an intellectual form- and then act accordingly."
(finally someone more emotionally cold than I am...TROY.)

"It makes one's heart ache when one sees that a man has staked his soul upon some end, the hopeless imperfection and futility of which is immediately obvious to everyone but himself. But isn't this, after all, merely a matter of degree? Isn't the pathetic grandeur of human existence in some way bound up with the eternal disproportion in this world, where self-delusion is necessary to life, between the honesty of the striving and the nullity of the result? That we all- every one of us- take ourselves seriously is not merely ridiculous."

"Beauty: a note that set the heartstrings quivering as it flew by; the shimmer of blood beneath a skin translucent in the sunlight.
Beauty: the wind which refreshed the traveler, not the stifling heat in dark adits where beggars grubbed for gold."
(makes my idea that beauty is an emotion a little less eloquent and original but I take it as a compliment)

"You cannot play with the animal in you without becoming wholly animal, play with falsehood without forfeiting your right to truth, play with cruelty without losing your sensitivity of mind. He who wants to keep his garden tidy doesn't reserve a plot for weeds."

That last one stings a little for me, and it's been on my mind for at least the last day. So basically, I recommend this book highly. Hammarskjöld is a little bit cynical and in my opinion errs on the side of not enough grace, however, some of his ideas are sobering when I'm more likely to err on the side of prancing around in a field of hysteria.

Monday, January 21, 2008

And so it begins...

It's Monday. I arrived back into the U.S. on Thursday. I gave myself a little break because since I graduated way back in the 07's, I haven't stopped moving or thinking. But, today is Monday. It is day one of the rest of my life: support raising.
I can tell you that it is a little daunting. I mean, I gotta raise all the money I have to live for like a year! OR TWO! GASP! Do you know how hard/much/ridiculous that is? Well, a lot of you do. For those of you who don't, lemme tell ya: it's hard/a lot/ ridiculous.
I've been hanging out with baby though. My little nephew/godson is ADORABLE. But he pukes on me. So, there are ups and downs to hanging out with a baby all day. It's cool though because when I left he was a month old, and now he's six months old. Basically they fast forwarded him five months (because usually life doesn't change or progress at all in America while I'm away.) He has a little personality! Plus he thinks I'm the funniest being on earth and I don't even have to whip out my old stand-up notebook.
Again though, he pukes on me. Yesterday I got carrotted during Sponge-Robert-Quadrilateral-Trousers (everything is an opportunity for intellectual betterment. That little 3/4 cracker's gonna be a genius by the time I leave.)
That is all.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Cereal, and how to eat it properly. TROY.

Out of respect for the few readers that visit this site regularly and expect truth and wise musings here, I'll cut to the chase. Soggy Cereal is one of the best foods ever. Don't get me wrong, crunchy cereal is not bad, but it's like having hamburgers when you can have steak, or a strawberry lolly-pop when you can have real strawberries, or being on earth versus being in heaven with Jesus, who also likes his cereal soggy.

Frosted miniwheats are delicious when they have completely been soaked full of milk. Otherwise they are dry and stick in your throat. You could die.
Chex are delicious when they are half way in between soggy and bloated and fresh out of the box. They need to be half soggy to fully appreciate their delicate and complex taste. It's like letting wine age.

I think I love cereal as much as I love toast. I, like Nic Cady, prefer non-sugary cereals to the sugary ones. My favorites in America are Raisin Bran (I love raisins), Chex, Cheerios and Rice Crispies (also with Bananas like Heather said.) Cereals I do not like however include Golden Grahams, Cap'n Crunch, or Apple Jacks. I mean, I'll eat them, but I'm not a fan.
I think the only really sugary cereal I like would have to be Smacks- which Spain likes to call "Crock Bizz." There is a picture of a crocodile on the box. They are delicious.

Until next time, try not to let this new year make you rushed and hassled. Try slowing down to enjoy the finer things. Don't rush when eating your cereal for example. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit.