Do not think me gentle because I speak in praise of gentleness, or elegant because I honour the grace that keeps this world. I am a [wo]man crude as any, gross of speech, intolerant, stubborn, angry, full of fits and furies. That I may have spoken well at times, is not natural. A wonder is what it is. (Wendell Berry)

Thursday, December 28, 2006

My Sister in front of the Christmas Tree:


Hi! It's been a while. I hope everyone had a really good Christmas. I did. Usually my Christmasses are dysfunctional and not exciting, but this year was an exception. Here's a picture of my sister sitting in front of our Christmas tree and biting something to get it open- this is her usual position. She bites things.


So there you have it. I'm still alive, and I'm coming back to Madrid on the 9th of January.
Happy New Years!

Monday, December 04, 2006

And the new double 0 is...

MARIANNA!!!

In an impressive show of code breaking skillz and genius, Marianna has conquered what could possibly someday come to be known as the hardest riddle of all time. Well done Marianna, or should I say, DOUBLE 0! As for the rest of you, I hope I'm never trapped in a box that requires a code to be opened because I'd be there until double 0 herself could fly over and rescue me.

Well done.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

How can I make snow orange?

I don't normally look at my own blog but today, since no one I know has really updated lately *amy* I decided to look at my own to see if I had updated (I hadn't) and I noticed that the green color on my blog was quite boogery. So I have found a less boogery color. Black- except sometimes when it gets polluted in Madrid...

Anyways, I'm approaching the last week of school and can feel the loomingness of all of the work that I've procrastinated on. I'm going home for Christmas though- which is exciting. I am NOT excited though about the fact that it doesn't snow in North Carolina. This is very upsetting for me. Everyone have pity. The midwest just got dumped on and Madrid doesn't get snow so I feel like everyone in the WORLD is having FUN except for ME. My favorite color is still orange.

I think the coolest thing of all time is if it would snow orange snow. HOW FREAKING COOL WOULD THAT BE? I'm gonna make a gingerbread house with orange snow when I get home and then maybe put up a picture. Or something. I dont really know. So. I read Don Quijote this semester almost in its entirety (I still have about 60 pages, but out of 900- I think that counts as done.) I think I'm going to encode some hidden message in this post. If you can find it, Cheers to you and you get a thousand points. It'll be difficult, but I just watched the new James Bond last night so I feel like someone will be able to figure it out.

Here's a riddle to help you get started.
1. There are 24 letters in a phrase of 6 words but if you use a hyphen, there are only 5 words.
2. Word one: fourth word of post backwards.
3. My old roomate starts an anagram of the second word.
4. One Jewish talent equals X pounds. The Xth word in the post is the third word.
5. fourth word: rhymes with stake and begins with the letter of one of the places I mention.
6. I use the fifth word five times in this blog.
7. the sixth word is scrambled together with another irrelevant word that hasn't been used in my post.
The scramble is: ADEEGNOOPRRW
To make things easier, the irrelevant word begins with a P and ends with an R.

Good luck double 0's. The first person to figure out my riddle will be called double 0 by me for at least a week. and that will make anyone cooler.

Monday, November 20, 2006

I have nothing intelligent to say.

I usually wait to blog until I have some deep insight or interesting story. However, I have none of that. Today was a fairly normal day. Most of my days are fairly normal. I think it would be interesting to do an experiment on what one person's conception of normal was versus another's. Namely, I wonder if my normal days would put other people in a mental institution? I think they would.
I think I have an abnormally high chaos tolerance. Things don't seem to ruffle my feathers until long after other people have knocked out and been carried out of the ring. When most people would just dematerialize, I think I could still function if I was in a room with 1000 Jim Macnamees and 6000 Nic Cadys and some slingshots and a Cirque de Solei. I believe that certain things happen to you as a child and grow you into a certain person so that you can be equipped for the things you were made for. I'm beginning to wonder, if so far has only been a preparation, what the stinking heck is coming next.
While I'm at it: I think as soon as I am certain about something, it changes. That's why I'll never win the lottery. Every time I play it, no matter how hard I try to delude myself, there's always that thought in the back of my mind, what would I spend it on? And as soon as that thought materializes, I have lost. Doesn't even matter if the numbers have come up yet. As soon as I started bragging about not ever getting pulled over, I got two tickets. I've learned to stop telling people that I have never been robbed in Madrid. I've started to learn that being sure about something is dangerous, and I don't know if that's good or bad.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

today

im frustrated. i have so much work to do and absolutely no motivation. its just one of those days i wish i could start over.

Monday, October 23, 2006

What happens when I get tired and start thinking about deep issues.

Every so often I'll get a song stuck in my head for a couple of days. This weekend it was this song by John Reuben.

Taught young
The world's wisdom:
I was told life's a game, the earth will be your stadium.
Be alert, pay attention,
One day even your friends will become the competition.
Trust no one.
But do remember this:
Never burn any potential bridges.
Know who's who,
and what they can do for you,
and dont feel bad cuz in the end they're gonna do it to you too,
remember life's not fair.
In order to maintain
you're gonna have to let your sensitivities be trained-
a machine,
more than a human being,
what you say doesn't always have to be what you mean.
Tell them what they want to hear, if it's to your benefit,
and words behind closed doors are insignificant.
Push yourself.
Never be satisfied-
Even if you don't get it, at least you died knowing you tried.


I've been thinking. What if I actually lived according to the value God places on me instead of the value people place on me? What if people put more value on God's opinion of things? What if pretty really didn't matter? I feel like I pick and choose which "Christiany" things I do and don't want to do. Do I really need to watch tv? Do I really even need to be in college? Do I need to decorate my room/ download more music/ buy myself dumb souvineirs/ go to the movies? Is having a purposeless conversation wrong? Why do I have a mirror in my room? Are these things products of the fall? Are they things we ignore? Have I gone overboard? Should we all go overboard? What is the cost of purposelessness?

I don't know.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

My Ruminations on Comfort

I think the thing towards which everyone in the world strives is comfort. I think this is why people think they exist. Especially in America right now, people strive towards well being with no goal beyond itself. When people are comfortable, they are happy. When people are not comfortable, they are not happy. If anyone can think of an exception to this rule, please inform me immediately, because my whole theory on life will have been smashed to pieces.
My theory on comfort, we'll call it my Comfort Hypothesis, has some corollaries.
Corollary #1:
Uncomfort was a product of the fall. Not only was it a product of the fall, but it was the first and primary feeling felt after it. Adam and Eve felt naked, and therefore tried to clothe themselves. You don't sew fig leaves together because you have nothing else to do... you sew fig leaves together because you think "I didn't feel naked and uncomfortable before, I'm going to try to fix my uncomfort." I mean, in real life, they were probably thinking "oh crap" but I'm expounding on the meaning of crap. okay? okay.
Corollary #2:
Since uncomfort was a natural product of the fall, it will not leave until we are not on earth. Uncomfort wasn't like sin, where it can be removed by Christ. Uncomfort was like disease- just because Christ died for our sins, we will not cease to get sick. Uncomfort was not "conquered" like sin and death were. Feeling uncomfort is not bad like committing acts against God's nature or will are. Feeling uncomfort is normal and acceptable and sometimes demanded by God (see c#3). Our goal as Christians is not to rid the world of uncomfort and ooky feelings.
Corollary #3:
If uncomfort was caused by the fall (#1) and not something we are trying to defeat (#2), then God will naturally use uncomfort for good, for His Glory and His Purpose. This is the nature of God. God is redeeming the world by using the natural products of sin and the fall for his benefit, or else he would've destroyed the world "in the beginning" and not made the effort of undoing sin.

My point:
We do not exist to make ourselves comfortable. We do not exist to make money, we do not exist to soley procreate and we do not exist to make other people like us.
We exist for God.
The price we must pay to follow God is the price of comfort. It's difficult to wait for support to role in. It's difficult to wonder where your next paycheck is going to come from. It's difficult to be surrounded by people who don't like you even if it's their problem and not yours. It is really difficult to go for a year without seeing your family because you are called to a country thousands of miles away.
God uses this uncomfort to make us more like him. He uses uncomfort to mold us into people who follow his rules and His Spirit's leading instead of our own stomachs. Until we forfeit comfort for the sake of Christ, we will never be effective. We cannot be both comfortable on the verge of breakthrough. We cannot be both comfortable and revolutionary. We cannot be both comfortable and in complete reliance.

Now, here inlies the rub. When we are in complete reliance on God, when we are alone in our revolution, when we are starving, injured, in jail, and lonely, guess who is there with us? Praise God, the Comforter! All of a sudden, we experience a new kind of comfort! It is not a comfort of which the world knows, nor one it would even recognize as comfort- it is a comfort that transcends worldly comfort. All of a sudden, God's comfort makes the world's comfort irrelevent. It shouldn't even be the same word. Amen.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Why it takes so long for me to post.

I'm writing my life story. Stay tuned.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Consolacion

The old woman uses a cane to support her four foot eleven inch frame. She has a string tied around her neck to support the cardboard plate she holds out for change. She never looks up; her black, hunched-over, tiny silouette is unmistakable from a distance. She never looks up. Until today.

"Hola Consolacion, we have food for you."

The old woman lifted her eyes to those of the younger woman addressing her. She hadn't heard someone call her by name in so long. The majority of people treat her like they treat every other begger... like she isn't there. The most beautiful smile I have ever seen spread across her sun-weathered, wrinkly face. Ripples like brown waves formed on her forehead, around her mouth, and seemed to stop abruptly at her hairline around her eyes- eyes that were wide with surprise and joy. Her smile showed every tooth she had, although half were missing, and you could see her tongue prodding around her mouth to form words. She reached up her tiny arm, forgetting for a second about the tray of coins she was holding, and grabbed the young woman's head in an attempt to kiss her face.

The two women talked and in the distance people sneered.

"Look at them," Consolacion said, pointing her finger into the crowd. "They stare at us as if we're doing something wrong... ASSHOLES!"

The young woman tried to hold back the laughter. She still isn't used to old women with Mother-Teresa-esque features shouting profanities. A lot of times the only thing she can do is laugh. The only other option is to cry.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Perspective

The following excerpt was taken from www.wholesomewords.org. It is the biography of David Livingstone, and I was going to edit some of the longer parts out but I can't find anything that unimportant- I put some parts in bold that I thought were pertinant to the end of this post. It's long but it's good.

David Livingstone
by Robert E. Speer

In Westminster Abbey the visitor, wandering about studying the monuments and inscriptions, comes in the middle of the nave upon a large black slab set in the floor bearing these words:
BROUGHT BY FAITHFUL HANDS
OVER LAND AND SEA HERE RESTS
DAVID LIVINGSTONE,
MISSIONARY,TRAVELLER,PHILANTHROPIST,
Born March 19, 1813,
At Blantyre, Lanarkshire.
Died May 1, 1873,
At Chitambo's Village, Ulala.

On the right border of the stone is a Latin sentence and along the left border:
"OTHER SHEEP I HAVE WHICH ARE NOT OF THIS FOLD:
THEM ALSO I MUST BRING, AND THEY SHALL HEAR MY VOICE."

This is the resting-place of the body, but not of the heart, of the Scotch weaver lad who went out from his simple home an unknown lad and died as one of the greatest and most honored of men.

From his earliest childhood he was of a calm, self-reliant nature. We are told by his best biographer that "it was his father's habit to lock the door at dusk, by which time all the children were to be in the house. One evening David had infringed this rule, and when he reached the door it was barred. He made no cry nor disturbance, but, having procured a piece of bread, sat down contentedly to pass the night on the doorstep. There, on looking out, his mother found him... At the age of nine he got a New Testament from his Sunday-school teacher for repeating the 119th Psalm on two successive evenings with only five errors, a proof that perseverance was bred in the bone."

At the age of ten he went to work in the cotton factory as a piecer, and after some years was promoted to be a spinner. The first half-crown he earned he gave to his mother. With part of his first week's wages he bought a Latin textbook and studied that language with ardor in an evening class between eight and ten. He had to be in the factory at six in the morning and his work ended at eight at night. But by working at Latin until midnight he mastered Virgil and Horace by the time he was sixteen. He used to read in the factory by putting the book on the spinning-jenny so that he could catch a sentence at a time as he passed at his work. He was fond of botany and geology and zoology, and when he could get out would scour the country for specimens. On one expedition he and his brother caught a big salmon, and, to conceal the fish, which they had no right to take, they put it in his brother's trousers leg and so got it home.

When he was about twelve he began to have serious thoughts about deeper things, but not till he was twenty did the great change come which brought into his life the strength of the consciousness of his duty to God. Feeling "that the salvation of men ought to be the chief desire and aim of every Christian," he made a resolution "that he would give to the cause of missions all that he might earn beyond what was required for his subsistence." But at twenty-one he read an appeal by Mr. Gutzlaff on behalf of China, and from that time he sought himself to enter the foreign mission field, influenced by "the claim of so many millions of his fellow creatures and the want of qualified missionaries." So he went out from his home to follow the advice of old David Hogg, one of the patriarchs of the village: "Now, lad, make religion the every-day business of your life, and not a thing of fits and starts; for if you do, temptation and other things will get the better of you."

China was the land to which Livingstone wished to go, but the opium war prevented his doing so at once. About the same time he came into contact with Dr. Robert Moffat, who was then in England creating much interest in his South African mission. He told Livingstone of "a vast plain to the north where he had sometimes seen, in the morning sun, the smoke of a thousand villages, where no missionary had ever been," and it was not long before the young Scotch student decided for Africa. Livingstone was thorough in his preparation, as he was in all things. He determined to get a medical as well as a theological education. To do it he had to borrow books, to earn his own way, and to live with the closest economy, paying about fifty-cents a week for the rent of his room. The first time he tried to preach he entirely forgot his sermon, and saying, "Friends, I have forgotten all I had to say," he hurried out of the pulpit and left the chapel. One of his acquaintances of those days wrote, years after, that even then his two strongest characteristics were simplicity and resolution. "Now after forty years," he adds, "I remember his step, the characteristic forward tread, firm, simple, resolute, neither fast nor slow, no hurry and no dawdle, but which evidently meant -- getting there."

On December 8, 1840, he sailed for Africa, going out by way of Brazil and the Cape of Good Hope. The captain of the ship taught him the use of the quadrant and how to take observations. He was to find good use for this knowledge. Arriving at the Cape, he went on to his first station, Kuruman, but he had no thought of staying there or of working in any fixed groove. He was thinking of new plans, and, above all, his eyes were turned northward toward the great region absolutely untouched and unknown. The first period of his work might be roughly marked as from 1840 to 1852. From Kuruman he made several trips deeper into the country, and had some of those experiences with lions of which he was to have so many.

On one trip he broke a finger, and when it was healing broke it again by the recoil of a revolver which he shot at a lion which made him a sudden visit in the middle of the night. Some of his trips were in ox-wagons and some on ox-back. "It is rough traveling, as you can conceive," he wrote. "The skin is so loose there is no getting one's greatcoat, which has to serve both as saddle and blanket, to stick on; and then the long horns in front, with which he can give one a punch in the abdomen if he likes, make us sit as bolt upright as dragoons. In this manner I traveled more than four hundred miles." His investigations were undertaken on his own responsibility. He wrote home to ask the directors of the London Missionary Society to approve, but if they did not, he said, he was at their disposal "to go anywhere, provided it be forward."

He soon left Kuruman to locate at Mabotsa, and it was there that a lion nearly killed him, tearing his flesh and crushing the bone in his shoulder. A native diverted the attention of the lion when his paw was on Livingstone's head. When asked once what he thought when the lion was over him, Livingstone answered: "I was thinking what part of me he would eat first." When years later his body was brought home to England it was by the false joint in the crushed arm that it was identified. To avoid friction at Mabotsa, Livingstone, who had just built a house and laid out a garden, but who would quarrel with no one, gave up the station and went on with the daughter of Robert and Mary Moffat, the great missionaries of South Africa, whom he had just married, and established a new station at Chonuane. But there was no water there, so he moved again to Kolobeng, on the river of that name, and the whole tribe among whom he lived moved with him.

Kolobeng was unhealthful, and far beyond it stretched the vast unknown interior. Something in Livingstone's heart told him to go on. So on he went. On August 1, 1849, he discovered Lake 'Ngami, a body of water so big that he could not see the opposite shore. And, later, he found the River Zambezi. The lake was 870 miles from Kuruman across a desert. He must find a passage to the sea on either the west or the east coast. "Providence seems to call me to the regions beyond," he wrote, and he heard ever more loudly the call of God to strike at the awful slave traffic. But what should he do with his wife and children? The only course was to send them home to Scotland. So, hard as it was, he took them to Cape Town in March, 1852, the whole party appearing out of the interior in clothes of curious and outworn fashions, having been eleven years away from civilization, and in April he parted from his family and turned back into the darkness.

Before he reached Kolobeng the Boers had attacked and destroyed that station. With all ties to any one place now broken, he started north, and in June, 1853, reached Linyanti, fifteen hundred miles north from the Cape. It was a hard and dangerous journey, part of it made with fever, through swamps and thickets and water three or four feet deep. "With our hands all raw and bloody and knees through our trousers, we at length emerged. But, as he wrote in his journals on the way, "if God has accepted my service, then my life is charmed till my work is done ... I will place no value on anything I have or may possess, except in relation to the kingdom of Christ. If anything will advance the interests of that kingdom, it shall be given away or kept only as by giving or keeping of it I shall most promote the glory of him to whom I owe all my hopes in time and eternity. May grace and strength sufficient to enable me to adhere faithfully to this resolution be imparted to me, so that in truth, not in name only, all my interests and those of my children may be identified with his cause ... I will try and remember always to approach God in secret with as much reverence in speech, posture, and behavior as in public. Help me, thou who knowest my frame and pitiest as a father his children." Evidences of the curse of the slave-trade multiplied constantly, and he saw more clearly at Linyanti that both for the suppression of that traffic and for the expansion of the missionary work it was necessary to open up the continent.

Accordingly, on November 11, 1853, he started westward for the Atlantic Ocean, and on May 31, 1854, came out at Loanda, about two hundred miles south of the mouth of the Congo. He had thirty-one attacks of fever on the way. He must find and make his own road. The floods and rains kept him almost constantly wet. Savages opposed him. He had no white companions. He arrived ragged and worn and exhausted, to find no letters from home waiting for him. An ordinary man would have felt that he had done enough and would have started for home, but not Livingstone. He plunged back into Africa and went eastward across the continent. He left Loanda, September 24, 1854, and reached Quilimane, on the opposite side of Africa, on May 20, 1856. On the way he became nearly deaf from fever and nearly blind from being struck in the eye by a branch of a tree in the forest. On this trip he discovered the great Victoria Falls, higher and fuller than Niagara, and he had yet more exciting times with savage tribes, whom, as always, he found a way to placate. From Quilimane he sailed for England, arriving August, 1856. At Cairo he learned of the death of his old father, who had longed to see him once again.

He got a tremendous welcome home. The Scotch weaver lad who had been all alone in Africa found himself the great hero of the day in Scotland and England. He was received by the men of science, by the Queen and the royal family, by all friends of humanity. He was given the freedom of the cities of London, Edinburgh, and Glasgow, and honors of the Universities of Glasgow, and Oxford, and Cambridge. Unspoiled by all the flattery, he left England to return to Africa on March 10, 1858, going out now to Quilimane as British consul for the east coast and interior of Africa. As he sailed, he wrote back to his son, Tom:

"London, 2nd February, 1858. -- My Dear Tom: I am soon going off from this country, and wilt leave you to the care of him who neither slumbers nor sleeps, and never disappointed any one who put his trust in him. If you make him your friend, he will be better to you than any companion can be. He is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. May he grant you grace to seek him and to serve him. I have nothing better to say to you than to take God for your Father, Jesus for your Savior, and the Holy Spirit for your sanctifier. Do this and you are safe forever. No evil can then befall you. Hope you will learn quickly and well, so as to be fitted for God's service in the world."

"Pearl, in the Mersey, 10th March, 1858. -- My Dear Tom: We are off again, and we trust that he who rules the waves will watch over us and remain with you, to bless us and make us blessings to our fellow men. The Lord be with you, and be very gracious to you! Avoid and hate sin, and cleave to Jesus as your Savior from guilt."

It was six years before Livingstone returned again to England. During this time he explored the Zambezi and the Shire rivers, making his way about among the people, whatever the difficulties, always with success, because he knew how to win and keep their confidence and love by being himself ever truthful, ever fearless. Mrs. Livingstone returned with him to Africa on this trip, and died on April 27, 1862, at Shupanga, where she was buried, and her husband went on alone to Lake Nyasa, making unwearied explorations, surmounting the obstacles of nature and bad men, and learning ever more and more about the iniquity of the trade in slaves.

In 1864 he went to India and thence to England for the last time. While there he learned of the death of his son Robert, who fought on the Northern side in the American Civil War and lies buried at Gettysburg, and his mother also died while he was on his way. He got home in time to fulfil her wish that one of her laddies should lay her head in her grave. He had another crowded year, which included the writing of a book, as his previous visit had done, and then with the last public words in Scotland, "Fear God and work hard," he returned to Africa to open up the unknown eastern interior. This time his connection was with the Royal Geographical Society. For the first six years he explored eastern equatorial Africa, discovering new lakes, rivers, and mountains, exposing the slave-trade, suffering, struggling, but never yielding. One Christmas he writes "Took my belt up three holes to relieve hunger." He had no white companion, and in 1866 the report reached Zanzibar that he had been killed.

This story was found to be false, but still no white man had seen Livingstone for a long time. He was not seeking to be seen, however. In the dark of the interior, all alone, hungry and weary, he was pressing on to open new country and to insure the future freedom of poor and oppressed peoples. In 1871 he was reduced to the last straits, all the goods sent to him at Ujiji having been sold by the rascal Shereef to whom they had been consigned; but just then Henry M. Stanley, who had been sent by the New York Herald to find him, came to him after a long search, bringing him ample stores. What impression he made on Stanley, Stanley himself has told us:

"I defy any one to be in his society long without thoroughly fathoming him, for in him there is no guile, and what is apparent on the surface is the thing that is in him. ... Dr. Livingstone is about sixty years old, though after he was restored to health he looked like a man who had not passed his fiftieth year. ... You may take any point in Dr. Livingstone's character and analyze it carefully, and I would challenge any man to find a fault in it. ... His is the Spartan heroism, the inflexibility of the Roman, the enduring resolution of the Anglo-Saxon -- never to relinquish his work, though his heart yearns for home; never to surrender his obligations until he can write finis to his work."

Refreshed by Stanley's visit and the supplies he brought, Livingstone turned inland again, hunting for the source of the Nile and fighting the slave trade. The iron frame had been taxed almost to its limit, however, and ever fresh difficulties had to be overcome. His last birthday, March 19, 1873, found him very weak.

"The 29th of April was the last day of his travels. In the morning he directed Susi to take down the side of the hut that the kitanda might be brought to him, as the door would not admit it, and he was quite unable to walk to it. Then came the crossing of a river; then progress through swamps and plashes; and when they got to anything like a dry plain he would ever and anon beg of them to lay him down. At last they got him to Chitambo's village, in Ilala, where they had to put him under the eaves of a house during a drizzling rain, until the hut they were building should be got ready.

"Then they laid him on a rough bed in the hut, where he spent the night. Next day he lay undisturbed. He asked a few wandering questions about the country -- especially about Luapula. His people knew that the end could not be far off. Nothing occurred to attract notice during the early part of the night, but at four in the morning the boy who lay at his door called in alarm for Susi, fearing that their master was dead. By the candle still burning they saw him, not in bed, but kneeling at the bedside with his head buried in his hands upon the pillow. The sad yet not unexpected truth soon became evident: he had passed away on the farthest of all his journeys, and without a single attendant. But he had died in the act of prayer -- prayer offered in that reverential attitude about which he was always so particular; commending his own spirit, with all his dear ones, as was his wont, into the hands of his Savior; and commending Africa -- his own dear Africa -- with all her woes and sins and wrongs, to the Avenger of the oppressed and the Redeemer of the lost."

His faithful African companions prepared his body for transportation to the coast, burying his heart and other organs at the foot of a mvula tree in Ilala, which is now marked with a rough inscription. The body they carried to Zanzibar. Thence it was taken to England and buried in the Abbey under the great slab which bears his name...

(Copied by Stephen Ross for WholesomeWords.org from Servants of the King [by] Robert E. Speer. New York: Eaton & Mains, 1909.)


After having read this I came upon this quote from David Livingstone himself, which I will end the post with.

"I never made a sacrifice. We ought not to talk of 'sacrifice' when we remember the great sacrifice which He made who left His Father's throne on high to give Himself up for us."

Kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

Monday, August 28, 2006

Doubt

I think all Christians doubt. If you are a Christian and you don't doubt, I'd like to meet you and pick your brain. Despite all the evidence I've seen in my life and in other's lives, I still sometimes have the gnawing thought at the back of my head that maybe I'm wrong and there isn't more to life than being born, procreating and dying.

I have been reading through Matthew and studying it in depth, verse by verse, for the last couple of months. I found something in chapter 11 that caught my attention:
(verse 2 and 3) "And when John (the baptist) heard in prison about the works of Christ, he sent two of his disciples and said to Him, 'Are you the Coming One, or do we look for another?'"

Keep in mind that by this time John the Baptist had already baptised Jesus and was there to hear the voice of the Father from heaven and the whole nine yards. My first reaction upon reading this was "doesn't he remember baptising Christ?" Then I thought maybe John just wanted confirmation. I think while he was sitting in jail, the thought began to creep up on him, maybe this isn't the right guy. I mean, afterall, Jesus wasn't exactly the Messiah that anyone was expecting. John must have been a little concerned.

What really encourages me was Christ's response to John's question.
"Jesus answered and said to them, 'Go and tell the things which you hear and see: The blind see and the lame walk; the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear; the dead are raised up and the poor have the gospel preached to them. And blessed is he who is not offended because of me."

Important things:
1. Jesus' response was go and tell the things which you HEAR and SEE. Jesus didn't talk about how it makes no sense that the earth is six billion years old; he didn't start a lecture about moral law; he didn't talk about democrats or gun laws. He said look at what's going on right now and then go tell John, and that will be enough for him.

2. Jesus did not say "John, you faithless jerk! I'm going to go get rebaptized by someone who isn't a shmuck." I think Jesus understood that he was taking people by surprise in not overthrowing Jerusalem and "burning up the chaff with inquenchable fire." Jesus gave enough evidence though to compensate for the Jews' false pretenses. (which brings me to #3)

3. The last sentence there says "And blessed is he who is not offended because of me." At first, I didn't get it. Then I pulled out my handy Greek-English Interlinear Bible and Strong's Exhaustive Concordance (coolest things ever) and looked up the original Greek for the word offended. The NIV says 'blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me.' I think that's a little closer to the original. The word "offend" in the Greek is skandalizo, where we get our word scandal or scandalize. It means "to trip up or entice to sin, apostasy or displeasure." Jesus was saying basically, Blessed is the man who isn't tripped up because of something I didn't do (such as heal the sick, raise the dead, or preach to the poor.) He wanted to make it clear that he did everything he could do to get people to realize he was the Messiah. He did not hold back in regards to proof.

4. John learned of these things by word of mouth, just as we have learned of Jesus' miracles by word of mouth, or the written word.

Now what does that mean for us?
The Lord never meant for us to blindly follow something for which there was no proof. Jesus was very concerned with providing enough proof for his followers. However, most of us are in the position of John, having to rely on what we hear is going on in other parts of the world, or having to rely on what we've seen done in the past. Now, that said, Christ expects us to take existing proof and run with it. He didn't go to John and do some miracle to prove himself. He expected John's disciples to accurately report what was going on. In light of that, I don't think I have much room for doubt at all. For those who think they haven't seen enough, I would encourage you to talk to people who do seem firm in their faith and ask them why they are so certain. Christ is eager to provide what you need to believe in him; you just have to look for it.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

dcTalk: A Legend Lives On

Today was a bittersweet day. As many of you know, dcTalk has always been, and will remain, the best band on Earth. I am filled with mixed emotions as I write this because of both the happiness and bewilderment of what happened to me today.
Okay, I'll tell you.
As I was driving in the car, the instrumental beginning of the song "Jesus Freak" came on the radio, the song for which dcTalk will probably be most remembered for centuries, nay, millenia to come. I was naturally excited, as any dcTalk fan would be, as I opened my mouth to sing the first word "Separated..."
My immediate response to what I heard was horror. Michael Tait's voice did not echo from the speakers like a squirrel peeks his head out of his tree burrowed hole (both are so natural). Instead, I heard a woman's voice singing words that I have never heard a woman sing before (on the radio, I sing the words all the time, but that doesn't count. Imagine your mom's voice coming out of the face of the cookie monster going "cookie, cookie." It's just wrong.)

Someone has done a remake of the dcTalk song "Jesus Freak".

At first I was dissapointed and confused; terrible confusion and crying ensued. Then I realized... DcTalk is worthy of having a song THEY WROTE resung and remade into something new (although NOT better.) I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH A DCTALK SHRINE IN MY SOUL! Ok, maybe that's going a little far, but if there exists something just a degree or two less than a shrine in my soul, that's what I have for dcTalk. But, this proves it! I'm not alone!!!

So for the many of you who don't think dcTalk is the greatest band ever, I would insist that you're incorrect. DcTalk has has a song stolen from them and rerecorded. Have you? Has your favorite band? Okay, maybe they have, but that just goes to show you, that dcTalk is just as good as them, if not better.

I come back to Spain in nine days. In memory of dcTalk, and sheer excitement about them and their aura, I shall quote lyrics now.


The other night I met a girl, and she looked at me so nice,
I asked her for the digits and she didn't think twice.
A couple'a days later, called her up and asked her out,
she said "with you?" I said "with me!" and she said "without a doubt."

I took her to the garden, where I guess they grow the olives,
she wore a tighter skirt than any I had seen at college.
She said "I love to smoke and drink while cursin' like a sailor."
I asked her where she got her mouth and if she had a tailor.

Finally, I walked her to the door to say goodnight,
She said "I am an apple, would you care to take a bite?"
Politely I refused and said "I'm lookin' for a lady,"
so she slapped me in my face and said "BOY YOU MUST BE CRAZY!"

Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Anvil of God's Word

I found a poem that I really really like. It's old and corny but I hope you like it too.

The Anvil of God's Word

Last eve I passed beside the blacksmith's door,
And heard the anvil ring the vesper chime;
Then looking in, I saw upon the floor,
Old hammers, worn with beating years of time.

"How many anvils have you had," said I,
"To wear and battle all these hammers so?"
"Just one," said he, and then with a twinkling eye,
"The anvil wears the hammers out, you know."

And so, I thought, the Anvil of God's Word
For ages sceptic blows have beat upon;
Yet, though the noise of falling blows was heard,
The Anvil is unharmed, the hammers gone.

-John Clifford (1836-1923)

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

I'M TWUNNEEEEEE!!!!

I am no longer a teenager. CRAP. hee hee.

Yesterday I turned 20. Thats crazy. But I got some good presents. I think my most exciting one was an interlinear Bible- It's an English Bible with the original Greek translation right above the English words. very very cool.

Cake is delicious.

In other news, I called my dad the other day and he started talking about how "Last night, when I was talking to Denzel Washington..." I was like WHAT!?
He apparently went to a party where Denzel Washington was there and he played harmonica for him and all his famous friends. So thats crazy too.

In other other news. I'm twenty. I come back to Spain in twenty days. I get my wisdom teeth out next monday. All four of them, so that will be fun. It's the first day of August! That's crazy! I can't think of anything else remotely interesting or important, so... this leads to the question of the day.

Question of the day:
Have you ever talked to a famous person?

and/or

What's the best present you've ever received?



I await your answers with bated breath.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

cereal

this morning while i was eating cereal, i sneezed.

it was gross.

has that ever happened to you?

it is gross.

Question Of The Day
where/when is the worst place/time to sneeze?

Saturday, July 15, 2006

only to make kelly happy

Dear Fans,

Sorry I haven't written in more than a fortnight. It isn't because my love for you has waned in any measure, instead, it is caused by the same genre of sickness that inferms pupils in their fourth year of highschool, senioritis. Now, my ailment is not senioritis, but it is, alas, as I earlier mentioned, of the same genre of sickness.

I've gotten lazy because it's my freakin' summer vacation.

Oh! I have forgotten myself! Where are my manners?

I have become enlazethed due to my freakING summer vacation.

Anyways, I decided the laziness must cease immediately because I only have like a month left of sweet freedom. I still have to read Don Quixote, go to Junior High summer camp (next week) and do a slew of other chorish boring burdens.

SO. Without further adieu, non-laziness. An almost haste-like state, if you will.

With highest regurds,

Victoria stembokas

ps. the new superman is a hunk.
pps. don't expect a post for a week- I'll be at camp. or will I?

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Just keep waiting for me...

I changed the look of my blog because
1. the template was called "Son of Moto"
2. I'm bored, but have nothing useful or "of note" about which to blog.
3. if Amy S. hasn't been eating because of me not posting like kelly says, I don't want her to die. which should happen any day now.
4. again, "son of moto" is funny.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Post

posty post post poster. Post posty postiferous postic prepost. Supost posty conpost conposter. Posty posting postage post. Tripost postar postific postal.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Back to Spain: Italy Part IV of IV. Why Jo and I are SO hardcore.

Amidst some questionable passengers we flew back to Spain via Santander aka. the bus station of an airport with the worst links to the outside world possible. Picture a can of sardines plus a salmon or two that dont have any clue as to what bus etiquette all shoved in a can. plus suitcases. We arrived in Santander and within 5 minutes had tickets to the next destination- San Sebastian. We stopped only long enough to have a really amazing menu with fish soup. Very tasty indeed.

With backpacks strapped on, yet again, we boarded the bus to our hostel. Our friendly Basque bus driver (basically everyone in the Basque land is friendly and nice) helped us find it and we relished in our very much needed hot showers, internet facilites and general Spanish ambiance.

The next morning, refreshed and back in a country where we could understand things, such as warning signs and danger tape, we felt ready to do anything. Even cross warning signs and danger tape. It was for the sake of art.














These are pictures of the modern art sculpture "Peine del Viento" or the Comb of the Wind. Danger tape was blocking it off, but what do we care? We're adventurers. It might have had something to do with the fact that it was out on a rocky precipice and it was raining and the sea was a mighty foe. Or something. Moving on..

We ended up covering our backpacks with plastic and forging on through the elements exploring peirs and the old Basque town before going to the next city, thats right folks, the seventh city on our world tour: Bilbao.



If there were ever a city designed by an artist, it would be Bilbao.
There are modern art sculptures literally everywhere and they did a good job preparing us for Bilbao's main attraction, The Guggenheim Museum. The coolest museum ever.
We explored the exhibits and especially enjoyed the temporary photographic exhibit of about 160 "hand" pieces. Being the art aficionados that we are, Jo and I left feeling privilaged and all around artsy-fartsy ready to stock a museum full of our own blatant talent. With one last burst of energy, and filled with Basque pinxos (not pinchos) (or tapas) we AMAZINGLY (get ready for this- the most amazing part of our trip...) we finished homework on the bus on the way back to Madrid!
************************************************************************************

You must realize, up until this point, neither Jo or I had mentally processed anything that had happened thus far. We simply did not have the time. That's why, after 7 cities in 7 days, when Kelly and Amy asked me "How was it?" I took a deep breath and in a frenzy talked and laughed histerically for a full 30 minutes without stopping.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Italy Part III of IV- Venice and Rome

Venice was wonderful. The scenery was amazing. I've never seen a city with more bridges than roads and water literally everywhere. If you ever get to go to Italy, go to Venice. I bought a Venetian Carnival mask and Jo and I had the most AMAZING pizza either of us had ever had. And that's saying something- I'm from Long Island.


We, realizing our time was short in Venice, and Italy in general, realized it was our civic duty to eat more gelato before collapsing into our beds. The next morning we got up, and being the thrifty college students that we are, made a delicious breakfast of eggs, bread and sausages, and then packed our lunches and headed off in search of (gelato, um..er..) St. Mark’s Cathedral and the other Venetian sites to see.

After meeting some English tour reps and chatting about Italy for a while (we were experts by now) My Venetian vanity took over and I bought some “very cool” sunglasses with orange lenses and white rims. Chanel. (or fake Chanel). Of course they’re cool! We, my eyes now protected and Jo still stuffed from the amazing amount of food she’s able to tuck in at lightening speed, dawdled down to the Rialto, which is the first bridge built in Venice, and we sat around and basked in the sun for awhile.

As we sat on the steps leading down to another canal, pigeons (Jo’s favorite animal) approached us and tried to make friends. Jo shooed her map at them and they just fluttered their wings for a second as if to say, yeah? I can shake things at you too!.

We glanced to the right and we saw a tragetto, a sort of commuter gondola, picking up passengers and ferrying them (for 50 cents) to the other side of the canal. We deided, because we weren’t going to pay sixty euros an hour on a private gondola, to jump on and standing (because you cant sit) and laughing and taking pictures, we made it to the other side without falling in (much to the amusement of everyone else on board).



Upon arriving at the other side of the canal, we realized that we had no reason to be on the other side, so we found a bridge, crossed back over, and continued to explore all of the tiny streets and canals that made Venice so wonderful to behold.

We explore a bit more in the student district, got another gelato, (they were only a euro each). And lounged around a bit in Campo Santa Margherita as the sun slowly set. That night we wandered around looking for dinner and new sites and ended up eating at a tiny restaurant full of very old Italian people playing cards and yelling at eachother. We went home early (via a gelato shop for one last goodbye scoop) because the next morning we had to be on a bus at ten after six to get to the RyanAir airport for our flight to Rome.

(Go grab some popcorn or coffee or something or if you have to go to the bathroom go ahead, now's a good time. We're just riding on the bus.)

Bleary eyed, incoherent, and blustering, we went from a leisurely, quite slow pace on the bus (while you were getting coffee/popcorn/bladders emptied etc.) to checking in at the ryan air bus stop with passports flying, conformation numbers being wipped out and bags being organized and zipped to get on the plane. After a delayed flight (we still arrived on time because apparently planes go slow on purpose... I bet I could get from the states to Spain in a hour if they wanted..) we arrived in Rome, or a bus station of an airport, an hour outside Rome with a Rome derived name as was the case.

One more RyanAir bus later (and very interesting music on board aka Prozac fm- ask us and we’ll explain it to you) we found our hostel and some interesting roommates. We headed straight out using the Roman Metro where Italian metro etiquette educated us on how Spaniards do it incorrectly. (apparently one is supposed to crowd the door before one’s stop despite all of the free space not right by the door). Arriving at the Vatican, we went inside to see some of the most amazing statues and paintings and murals in the world. How can one describe the cistene chapel and it’s collection of loud, picture taking, non-revering tourists? (all ignoring the shhh that was mechanically sounding every minute or so).


(Hercules w/ Medusa's head. Cool.)
In a span of six hours or so we saw the Vatican (not just one room mind you), St. Peter’s square, St. Peter’s Basilica, The Pantheon, The Trevi Fountain (we threw pennies in guaranteeing our return to Rome) and denied the offer of blessed yellow flowers from about thirty men. That night, after our hostel’s free pasta dinner (not as typically Italian as we would have liked), we trundled down to the Coliseum and the Roman ruins with our legs and feet aching and
throbbing.
(Trevi Fountain)

(Pantheon.)
(Colluseum at night. Really cool)

With our must see list exhausted, we rewarded ourselves with chocolate fondue before heading back to the Freedom Traveler and trying to avoid our interesting roommates, we collapsed, knackered, into bed. The next morning, Victoria, almost bumping into a semi-naked australian man in her first waking moments and Jo, still trying to avoid the stupid American boys in our room snuck down to breakfast and prepared to go back to Spain.

Tomorrow: "Bilbao and San Sebastian" or "Why we like Northern Spain" or "No amount of rain will stop us from doing anything because we're HARDCORE!"

Monday, May 01, 2006

Italy Part Deux. The Metro and Verona

Sorry this has taken so stinkin' long. But here it is: PART DEUX!

Anyone who understands the Italian metro has perhaps not used it. After trying about four different kinds of machines, we finally found the one that spit out metro tickets (with the help of some American girls and watching some disgruntled Italian youth kick and swear at the ticket machine).
As the metro doors opened, for mere milliseconds, we thought we saw a green hazy cloud pour out of the funk-filled tube. We stepped inside, or rather ran before the doors shut on us. At Lorento (our metro stop) with green fog probably following us, we got out and tried to find the Bermuda Triangle that was Via Porpora (the street with our hostel on it). After refusing an offered Italian escort and the ever present temptation (?) offered by six McDonalds on the way, we finally found the infamous “Hotel Sabatini.” Despite our forward thinking in booking ahead the man at the counter failed to understand our confirmation number nor our spanglish as we pleaded for “a bed for the night”.
Our room came fully equipped with two middle aged, drunken German women who spoke minimal English; just enough to confess that they’d had “too much wine.” The next morning we went, bikeless (disappointing, as the website promised them) to explore Milan.
Being Sunday in such a big city, logically, everything was closed. By this time, we were famished. Eventually, sorting through the 50 open McDonalds, we stumbled across a bakery where we purchased and devoured some delicious stuffed pizza with some chocolate filled gooey oozing croissants- the highlight of Milan! We decided the food far surpassed the scenery, although there were some cool trams/trolleys scooting around.




We then walked down into the old town where preceding the impressive cathedral was a giant, covered cross shaped building lined with fashionable Milan stores and frescos lining the ceilings.

Where the two bars of the cross intersected, there were four stores, Luis Vuittan, Prada, Gucci, and, you guessed it, Micky D’s. (the usually bright yellow McDonalds sign was toned down a bit to an antique gold to not clash with its classy surroundings.) Weaving through the Asian tourists to get to see the cathedral, statue of Goya, etc... we made our way back to the ‘hotel’ to grab our bags and get ready for the next city.

This Cathedral was AMAZING because I really like scultures, especially real-life stuff because you have to be amazingly talented to sculpt something. Anyways, in this picture, especially on the bottom right, you can see a statue of a person. There were literally hundreds of statues on the facade of this building- and each statue was different! They were saints, martyrs, church fathers etc.. all different- one guy had his intestines hanging out. You can see maybe 50 of the statues in this picture, and they are all quite a bit bigger than me, just to give you some perspective on how HUGE this cathedral was. I think out of the whole trip, even including Rome, this was my favorite.


At the railway station in Milan, we decided upon Verona as the next location for our adventure. Six euros, a baguette and some salami slices later, Verona was upon us. We stayed at a converted-into-a-hostal monastary there and it was beautiful. We even made a new friend who decided "hey, I'll just hang out with YOU guys all day!" The pictures speak for themselves:


Stay Tuned for Venice!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Victoria's Downfall Pool

We interrupt your normal "Italy" broadcasting with a special update from Victoria's recent life...

Troy is doing this Bible/Christian history class for whoever is interested. I was interested. I always seem to be interested in aquiring more knowledge than I have. I love to learn. I love to argue (just ask anyone that's been around me for more than five seconds...) and I love bouncing my ideas off everyone else just so they'll hear how smart I am.

Troy is smarter than me.

I don't know if any of you knew that *wink wink* but it's true. Last night, instead of having Christian History Survey part 3, we (Kelly, Enrique, Troy and I) went to Vips, got some food and had some good chatting time. (by good chatting time, I mean two hours of me asking Troy questions) If you would have told me a week ago that I would eventually want to get my masters and spend God knows how many more years in school, I would have told you that you are clearly not as smart as me; but apparently I'm not as smart as me. I want to go to seminary.


(Jerry Falwell with my friend Roxy)

okay. tuck that away, here comes the second part.

I'm in Philosophy 486 this semester, Philosophy of the Problems in Religion. The class is what it sounds like. We talk about the problems with any form of religion from a philosophical standpoint. It's very cool because I like arguing. I'm sure if Kelly were in the class, she'd probably stand up and scream, Why can't we all just get along?
Anyways, problems of religion. My professor is always referring to theology and philosophy in terms of baseball teams or something. It's always the Theologians or the Philosophers playing against each other. He said that, a couple hundred years ago, Philosophy was referred to as the 'handmaiden' of the queen of the sciences, Theology. He then retorted, yes, Philosophy had to walk in front of Theology everywhere she went holding a lamp, so as to not allow the "dumb broad" to fall flat on her face... You get the idea.

Can I just gloat for two seconds. Basically, it's my blog and I'll gloat if I want to... gloat if I want to, gloat if I want to... you would gloat to if it happened to YOU DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT! What happened you ask? Aw shucks... Okay I'll tell you.

part three... what happened to me today:

Before Semana Santa I had to write a paper for Philosophy talking about what faith is. It was a hard paper. I spent nine hours writing it, and get this, I actually LIKED IT! I actually smiled with glee as I wrote the conclusion! I actually giggled writing the paper because I saw scripture debunk some of these philosophical arguments I was arguing against. I giggled, no kidding. I love the Bible! But I digress..
Today I got that paper back. Heather offered to scan it for me so that I could post it as proof. But I thought that would make a cocky post even worse, so I'll just tell you what he wrote on it.

"A- good discussion... You should become a theologian! They need you. "

THEY NEED ME ON THEIR TEAM! How do I make this sound less conceited and proud? I guess I can't. But I think I'm pretty hot stuff right now. You know that saying "pride comes before a fall..." ? Someone could really win a lot of money if they opened up some sort of pool or something. You know like a baby pool? There could be a Victoria's downfall pool...

I can't wait to go to seminary...

...maybe I'll get my picture taken with Jerry too...

Sunday, April 16, 2006

My Trip To Italy. Part 1.

As many of you know, Jo and I went to Italy for spring break. It was great. Upon arriving back to Madrid, we sat down and wrote out about fifteen pages of play by play action so that we could both remember everything that happened. This is the condensed version, with pictures.

Our Trip to Italy. Part One.

Seven Days. Seven Cities. Incredible? Stupid? Or just the rare combination of two girls- one British, one American- coming together to explore and to conquer the world? We like to call it the VicJoria effect. The scene starts at 5:30 am Saturday morning, the third of March, 2006 in Tribunal. The dubious duo are accosted by a strange man (later turning out to be Jonathan) who mugs Victoria of her house keys then scampers to sleep in her house and eat her peanut butter (no one else was there). The tired two trundle away from Tribunal to hail a taxi midst sandwich selling chinos and drunken delinquents loitering on Gran Via.

Mistaking us for the drunken, puke prone teenagers, most of the taxi’s just sped by leaving only their spray splattering us in mockery. However, one nice cabbie (realising that our backpacks weren’t full of party clothes or drugs) picked us up and we made our way to Avenida de America in good time for the bus to Zaragoza which arrived around 9 am. Little did we know, the time we spent in Zaragoza was a good indication of the time it took us to explore a city to our satisfaction. (about five hours). After what became a traditional napolitana de chocolate for breakfast, the satiated students ventured on towards the Alferia, or an ancient fortress occupied by the Moors, then the Christians, then the Spanish Monarchs.




We then walked to the Basilica de Pilar in the center and Victoria, recalling her childhood knowledge of the various Catholic traditions, educated Jo on why everything was so shiny.


Next, we explored the town market, filled with every thing from fruits and vegetables to boar’s heads on meat hooks. Apparently, the “Lord of the Flies” has inspired more than just high school teachers. The lord-of-the-flies-esque moment did not hinder our stomachs though, because next, we found a seven euro menu del dia, which included the famous and delicious fish soup of the north.

After lunch, we caught the first of what would be many Ryan Air connection buses to the Ryan Air airport/bus stop/building in the middle of the sticks/is that a sheep?

For the record, Bergamo is not Milan, despite what Ryan Air advertises. The flight passed quickly and we made a new Italian friend (insert a standard Italian name here). After being educated on what to do in Milan, we found ourselves in a metro station in Milan (not forgetting the one hour bus ride it took to get us from the “airport” to the city via a tour of the 600 McDonalds in Milan. Apparently, Italian cuisine isn’t pasta and pizza, its anything below those golden arches.)

stay tuned for part deux. "The Metro." or "Victoria and Jo go to Verona" (either one)

Sunday, April 09, 2006

be patient


midterms=four papers and a test on a novel I have yet to read.
just keep waiting for my post.

Friday, March 17, 2006

While you're all waiting for Italy...

I'm not quite done with my Italy post, so for you very impatient readers, here's something to tie you over. Its the same google image thing that heather and kelly did- here it is

First Name: Victoria (clearly represents me well)


Middle Name: Catherine (the only picture that wasn't catherine zeta jones. plus i think its cute)

Last Name: Stembokas (I didn't think a picture would come up, but only one did. A picture of a deer. Interesting.)


Age on my next birthday: 20!


City I grew up in: Out of the many, I'm going to pick Purcellville, Virginia:


(This is cool, because it's a cross that lights up on the highway that you can see at night. The Catholic church I went to when I was younger put it up.)

Favorite Color: ORANGE (pronounced aarange)


Place I'd like to live: In a Jungle Hut (kelly and heather, you have no imagination)


Place I live Now: Madrid


(Real Madrid, 1956)

Habit I have: singing in the shower


Favorite Food: Right now, Chicken Parmesan. mmmm.


Favorite Aminal: I have no idea. I like my stuffed lion a lot though.

Religion: Bible thumpin' Fundamentalist

Dream Job: an Orator


Grandmother's Name: Peggy Landfield (this is NOT what my gramma looks like)


Favorite Smell: Honeysuckles


put all those pictures together and you get me.

Friday, February 24, 2006


Dive in... you never know what lies in the murk. Theres a boat if you can't swim. Posted by Picasa

El Elyon, The God Most High

Troy Cady is my pastor in Spain. He's a pretty smart guy and sometimes he says really profound things, I think sometimes without realizing it. During the last vision crafting meeting, Troy said something that I am still thinking about, and of which I have recently been reminded because of a new Bible study I'm doing about the names of God.
After I finished screaming the word discipleship over and over again at the top of my lungs, Troy suggested that our church's vision statement have phrases that have two contrasting parts. An example of this would be a focus on discipleship YET devotion to evangelism; teaching YET equipping believers to teach themselves, etc. These two phrases stand opposed to eachother but when contrasted against eachother make the meaning of the other a little richer and a little more meaningful. Keep this thought in mind...
I've been doing this bible study called "Lord, I Want to Know You" by Kay Arthur. I love Kay Arthur and if you don't like her, I will fight you. Kay Arthur presents an inductive approach to bible study- meaning that one looks at the scripture, the greek, the context and other corresponding verses in scripture to understand what a particular verse means. She doesn't use commentary or old theology book quotes. I like commentaries and I love old theology book quotes, but I think she's right in saying that they should be an extra suppliment to understanding scripture only after one has already waited for guidance from the Holy Spirit. That said, the point of the book is to explore the names of God in scripture to better understand His character; since names were used to demonstrate someone's character back in the day.
The newest name of God that we went over was El Elyon, or God the Most High. She writes, "El Elyon is the name that designates God as the sovereign ruler of all the universe. It was El Elyon... who delivered Abraham's enemies into his hand (Gen. 14:21). It was the Most High God who was and is the Redeemer of Israel (Psm. 78:35). And it is the Most High God who rules today over the affairs of men."
El Elyon
rules over every affair of men imaginable. She quoted a LOT of verses talking about exactly what God has dominion over. I will type only a few out for you to see what I'm talking about. These are the ones that have had the biggest impact on me. (Italics are mine, pay attention to what's italicized and what God has control over.)

"... His kingdom endures from generation to generation. And all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, but He does according to His will in the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and no one can ward off His hand or say to Him, "What hast though done?"" (Daniel 4:35)

"Remember the former things long past, for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is no one like me... My purpose will be established, and I will accomplish all My good pleasure... Truly I have spoken; truly I will bring it to pass. I have planned it, surely I will do it." (Isaiah 46:9-11)

"See now that I, I am He, and there is no god besides Me; it is I who put to death and give life. I have wounded, and it is I who heal; and there is no one who can deliver from My hand."
(Deuteronomy 32:39)

"But to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, but the LORD had closed her womb. Her rival, however, would provoke her bitterly to irritate her, because the LORD had closed her womb." (I Samuel 1:5-6)

"I am the LORD, and there is no other, the One forming light and creating darkness, causing well-being and creating calamity; I am the LORD who does all these."
(Isaiah 45:6-7)

Are you catching a trend? The Mormon church considers the God of the Old Testament to be a completely different God than that of the New Testament. I'm not Mormon, and I disagree with that presumption, but I do see where they could get that from. They describe the God of the Old Testament as an angry, vengeful, all powerfull, stay-out-of-my-way god. In just these four verses we catch a glimpse of the Most High causing death, illness, physical injury, barrenness, creating darkness and creating calamity. Calamity! This suggests that Hurricane Katrina was not caused by some butterfly flapping it's wings off the coast of Africa. This suggests that disease and death and barrenness are not only products of the fall, they are in fact sent by God to do his will and give Him glory! This suggests that in comparison to the importance of the Glory of God, the inhabitants of the earth are counted as nothing! Nothing!



Yet...


"Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them.Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."" (Matt. 19:13-14)

" See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power,
and his arm rules for him.
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.
He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young."
(Isaiah 40:10-11)

"Christ Jesus, who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross!"
(Phil. 2:6-8)

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Body Part: Eyes

I got to speak this last weekend at Oasis (my church in Madrid), and here is what I said:
The series we’re doing is Body Parts and this week’s body parts are the eyes. Romans 6:13 says to “present our bodies as instruments of righteousness” to God so tonight I’m going to be talking about using our eyes to God’s glory. Now, glorifying God with our eyes can be described in a lot of different ways- what we should look at, what we shouldn’t look at, who we should pay special attention too… and Jesus talked a lot about what our eyes should and shouldn’t be doing when he was on earth, so when I was faced with the subject of eyes I didn’t really know where to start. Then I heard the song we just sang. “Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.”
As Christians, we seem to develop these cute little happy sayings that we say to each other when we’re feeling sad or a situation seems hopeless. We say things like, “every cloud has a silver lining,” and “there’s always darkness before the dawn,” or even “Jesus Loves You and the little children.” Now, these things sound nice but a lot of the time we’re left thinking, okay that’s well and good, but what am I supposed to do now??? I know Jesus loves me and I know Jesus loves the little children… but what now??
I don’t want the phrase “turn your eyes upon Jesus” to be just another one of those phrases that comes up and leaves you asking what now!? How do I turn my eyes upon Jesus, Victoria? I can’t see Jesus, can you? (no, I can’t see Jesus either) … I am going to talk tonight about what exactly turning our eyes upon Jesus looks like… but first I want to talk about why this is important.
Someone read Luke 6:39. It says “Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they both not fall into a pit?” See, our eyes affect every single thing we do. It’s very, very frustrating not being able to see because all of a sudden we don’t have the whole picture. That’s why, no matter how much it hurts our eyes, in the middle of the night, when we need to get up for something, we turn on the light; because we know there is the potential to hurt much more than just our eyes. And especially in Madrid, we would never, ever just walk out into the street without looking both ways for cars. ** bird slide** Have you ever been really sorry you didn’t check more carefully the bread you just made your sandwich on? You go in to take a nice big bite and you see this green fuzzy thing taking over the bread… ** Mold slide** Most people try very hard to get the whole picture before they do almost anything, (driving, eating, walking…) Now, watch this clip of what happens when we can only see part of what’s going on. MOVIE CLIP #1- CHUNK… Chunk in this clip meant well, he was going to turn in the bad guys- the Fratelli’s- and he ended up getting caught by them because he couldn’t see in the dark. Like Chunk, most people are walking around half blind with only a small glimpse of the big picture- and they end up making huge mistakes because of this.
Let me explain further by asking another question and I promise we’ll get back to this big picture idea and falling into a pit and turning your eyes on Jesus.

Did you ever wonder why Jesus, while he was on Earth, prayed? I mean, He is God! Why should he have to pray? He can conjure up anything he wants with his mere words and he never had to ask for forgiveness because He was perfect! It wasn’t even to teach his disciples necessarily- Luke 5:16 says that Jesus “often withdrew into the wilderness and prayed.” He often went off to pray by himself! Now, I think there we’re various reasons for this but I think one major one sticks out to me. Jesus went to turn his eyes on his Father just as we are to turn our eyes on Him. It’s kind of like the blind man leading the blind man… We’re half blind down here on earth, so we need someone to lead us or we’re going to fall into a pit! Obviously, Jesus is that leader, he’s the one that has the whole picture, he’s the one who can see in the dark, so if Jesus had to go to his father and turn his eyes on his Father, we need to follow our leader and do the same. We need to turn our eyes on Jesus- You see, that was Jesus’ way of getting the big picture. It was his way of seeing the whole story. It was his way of opening both his physical eyes to see what was going on around him and his spiritual eyes to see why these things mattered. Let me say that again, because it is the crux of what I have to say tonight. It was his way of opening both his physical eyes to see what was going on around him, and his spiritual eyes to see why it even mattered. You see- He was immersed in a physical world and he was in a physical body where he couldn’t just look around and see the spiritual like he could when he wasn’t in the flesh!
Once Jesus came to earth, he had the same restrictions that you and I have. We can’t look our Heavenly Father in the face and neither could Jesus. So… through prayer, he turned his eyes on his Father to get the whole story, because He KNEW from before that without seeing everything physical through a spiritual lens, he wouldn’t get the whole story. Just as we wouldn’t walk out into traffic or eat moldy bread, we ought not to just ignore the spiritual significance of things. G.K. Chesterton said “God is like the sun. You cannot look at it, but without it you cannot look at anything else!” What I’m saying is that just as what we see with our eyes affects where we step on the side walk if you know what I’m saying, our spiritual eyes should have just as much significance in the way we react to things and basically, how we behave. We’ve got to walk around with our spiritual eyes open or there is a very big pit we are likely to fall into.
C.S. Lewis talks in depth about this in his book Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer. He warns us not to mistake what we see going on around us as the Ultimate Reality as he calls it, or the big picture- because it is far from it. He uses the example of a dream. A dream is a delusion only so long as we’re dreaming. However, when we wake up- it ceases to be a delusion or a lie or a trick. Because now we are seeing it from the outside perspective that a giant spider really wasn’t about to eat you although five minutes before your whole body was seized with terror as the spider approached. C.S. Lewis also explains this like a play. He says we’re all in a giant play. The world is like a stage set. If you attack a little house with hammers and clubs on a stage, you won’t get pieces of brick and stone like you would in the real world, rather, you would just cut a hole in the canvas. Likewise, we are all characters- covered in stage makeup (which is our bodies), and we’re in the costumes of our professions and our tastes, yet that’s not who we really are! You see, an actor cannot act if he has nothing underneath the character. Actors don’t go home at night still pretending to be doctors or psychos or aliens. They have real people underneath that make the doctor or psycho or alien more interesting and real. C.S. Lewis says, “Now the moment of prayer is for me… the awareness… that this ‘real world’ and ‘real self’ are very far from being rock-bottom realities. I cannot, in the flesh, leave the stage, either to go behind the scenes or to take my seat in the pit; but I can remember that these regions exist. I also remember that my apparent self--- this clown or hero or (English teacher or student or secretary or doctor) - under his grease-paint is a real person with an off-stage life… And in prayer, this real I struggles to speak…”
Turning our eyes on Jesus, which to me is really another word for praying, is exactly this.
What you see with your eye balls is only half the story. II Corinthians 4:18 says, “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal.” To get the full story, you have to open your spiritual eyes (which is turning your eyes on Jesus) and recognize that there are two worlds at work, the visible physical world, and the invisible spiritual world and we cannot understand this world and therefore act appropriately if we are not seeing the big picture- both the physical and the spiritual. Paul, on his way to Damascus when he was still called Saul, learned this lesson better than anyone else I can describe. We see this story in Acts 9. “Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples… As he neared Damascus, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” “Who are you Lord?” Saul asked. “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied, “Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what to do…” Saul got up from the ground, and when he opened his eyes, he could see nothing.”
Could you imagine??? All of a sudden, Paul walking down the street becomes blind because God says to him, guess what Paul- What you’ve seen with your physical eyes your whole life MEANS NOTHING. IT MEANS NOTHING, PAUL. Unless you know what’s going on spiritually, you’re better off as a blind man! That’s why you didn’t see me before and that’s why you can’t see anything now!
Now, three days later, Paul regained his sight and with that came a complete life change. His whole life changed because of the one moment that his spiritual eyes were opened.
Now most of us didn’t go around killing Christians before we we’re saved. And most of us are here because we know that a God exists and a spiritual world exists. However, I know I sometimes don’t live like I see the whole picture. Imagine if we really lived like God was our Provider and our Protector and our Comfort. Imagine if we took God at his word when he says that with the measure with which we give, that’s what we’ll be given. I’d probably tithe more, I’d definitely share my faith more and I wouldn’t care if people got offended or hated me after.
Allow me to extend the analogy of the play a little bit further. We’re all in a play and we’re all characters but someday that play will end and we’ll walk of stage. I Corinthians 13:12 says “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.” Our spiritual eyes will be fully opened. Some of us will be very surprised with what we see then and some of us will go, Oh, that’s what that looks like all cleared up… I’m going to pray and then we’re going to sing Open the Eyes of My Heart and I want you all to think about the situations in your life that seem most despairing to you or disheartening and then look at them again through spiritual eyes. Has God said He’ll be your provider? Then he will. Has he said He knows the things he’s planned for you? Then he does. Has he counted the hairs on your heads? He knows every one.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Thin Lines and Fat Lines

There is a line between everything; the place where hate becomes violence; the place where instruction becomes force; the place where love becomes obsession.. I am really bad at finding lines. Not hate or obsession lines, that's kind of creepy. I'm talking about Biblical lines, the lines that actually matter in my daily life- the line between truth and love, the line between going and making disciples and throwing pearls to swine, the line between Jesus being my righteousness and my righteous acts are as dirty rags. I cannot find the line between sin and freedom nor exercising my liberty and making my brother stumble. Where's the line between sanctification and the humility to know that I cannot make myself sanctified? What about the line between waiting patiently in prayer and laziness? What about apathy and trust? What about faith and wishful thinking? What about knowing the truth and it setting you free and being crushed by a quick glimpse of what you were just freed from? What about entering the kingdom of Heaven as a child and being ready to give an answer to the cynics and the intellectuals and those that are out to prove you look like an idiot and a lemming?
Most people strive for something in life that can be obtained, that can be grasped, whether it be fortune, fame, fancy things or contentment. It is God's will that I be sanctified, so it is the thing I try to obtain, to grasp hold of, yet.. it is the one thing that I know is impossible.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

I Come Bearing Syrup

Well, its been a while. Finals were brutal, hence the month or so it's been since I last updated. Christmas at home was great. For some reason, even though I love the people here, I don't think it would feel all Christmassy without my family. This Christmas was fairly uneventful in comparison to previous Christmasses. Can you pluralize Christmas? I don't know. Anyways, last Christmas I drove ten hours in one day to pick up my puking sister. The Christmas before- I don't remember but I remember it wasn't normal. Most of my family holidays are pretty dysfuntional. Christmas is no exception. But this Christmas, at home anyway, was pretty good. I woke up, opened some great presents, watched my mom open the espresso maker I got her (best daughter ever award) and then we made coffee (which I don't drink, but thats no reason to be selfish) and made a really big breakfast and then we ... dont remeber what happened next. it was like two weeks ago. i cant remember that far back.
Now, with two holidays such as Christmas and New Years so close together, the normalacy couldn't last for long. New Years rolled around. For New Years eve I went to chaperone for my church's all nighter- but I only stayed until like one, then I left. When I got home super late, my mom was still up and we watched the World Poker Tour. There are certain things I will always watch if they are on tv. One is the World Poker Tour. The others include, the Iron Chef, M.A.S.H, any sort of pool tourney and the cartoon Recess. I just recently watched a billiards trick-shot tournament. That was great, but I digress. New Years day was dysfuctional in all its glory. My aunt came down from New Jersey. Just let the word New Jersey ring in your heads for a moment. Hopefully none of my avid readers are from New Jersey, but if you are, you'll know even better what I'm talking about and take pride in your specialness. My aunt also has really, really big hair and her life's pursuit right now is winning the lottery. Folks, she even has me convinced that one day, she will win the deluxmultimillionsuperfantastic prize and pay for everything for me forever. Not only is she my aunt, but she is my godmother. So she's obligated by religious law to throw some of that dough my way. And she will because although her hair casts a shadow like a hot air balloon, she is extremely generous and loving to my sister and I. When she got there, my mom made coffee (which my aunt doesn't drink either) because thats all my mom does now. Since the espresso maker, she makes coffee for every occasion. Saturday mail arrives= coffee. clock strikes two= coffee. commercial comes on= coffee time! She makes coffee at like 8 at night too, then can't sleep. But she wont stop because she loves coffee. After my mom made coffee, we went to my grandpa's house with my uncle Joe. Uncle Joe used to be in the army. Uncle joe has his snipers license. Uncle Joe brought a 22 and a German mouzer to the festivities. So I shot guns all afternoon. I'm like a regular Annie Ocle/Okley/Okly (can't spell). I shot the can off the bucket twice. And shot the bucket a lot. I have pretty good aim. After that, we had dinner at my grandpa's heretofore referred to as Pop. It was pretty good and I learned of a superstition the his wife's family has on New Years, which is to make sure a dark haired man walks through the door before anyone else in the New Year. I made some people mad when I was the first to rush in. Hey, I wanted to hug Pop, you people can stick it in your eye. Then, a couple of hours later, we proceded to drive to my grandma's house, heretofore referred to as Nana. Nana's house is about two hours south. So we were driving and whining a lot. But my aunt has to be generous and loving to EVERYONE on all the holidays so we went to her house to. She made dinner, which was really good, as it always is. I'm pretty sure I ate about twelve pounds of food in all. She doesn't seem to realize that I cant eat an entire chicken and thirty potatoes by myself. I just can't do it! I do try, for her sake, every time I go. But I cant. I'm not Andre the Giant, and I'm pretty sure he couldn't either. [enter dysfunction] Uncle Pete lives with Nana. He's a Vietnam vet that used to have quite a drinking problem and one day gave it all up and started planting things and housing bunnies and kitties. Well, he hasn't given up the kitties but he has found himself dipping into the sauce again if you know what I'm saying. So all night he would sit out on the deck playing ridiculously loud country music, coming in every so often to make sure we all loved him and telling us how beautiful we all were. Lots of love and beauty flowing in there.
What felt like forty two hours later, we left. I slept on the way home and all in all it was an interesting beginning to the year 2006. I turn twenty this year. Technically, I have been alive, or at least in existance, for twenty years already. So my birthdays not gonna be that bigadeal.
In closing, I'd like to say a few things to the year 2006: "You're gonna feel shorter than 2005 because every year has that problem, so you're at a bit of a disadvantage. However, that doesn't mean you can't take the cake for best year ever! There's still a chance for you. So here's a little advice for you. Start off good, maintain your goodness and end good. See, we're all winners."