Ruminate whilst I illuminate...

Do not think me gentle because I speak in praise of gentleness, or elegant because I honour the grace that keeps this world. I am a [wo]man crude as any, gross of speech, intolerant, stubborn, angry, full of fits and furies. That I may have spoken well at times, is not natural. A wonder is what it is. (Wendell Berry)

Friday, March 15, 2013

Five Years Later

Wow, this is bizarre. I was looking through blogs today for the first time in a really long time and I thought, hey, I'm gonna blog. I'm not sure anyone still reads my blog but this still feels therapeutic just the same. So, five years later... I'm 26, married for four years to the guy who gave me the Camel book and the ministry to Muslim women book in my last Victoria show, and drumroll please... I have two kids! Which is crazy! I never made it overseas. I'm still trying to see that as something other than a life failure, but some days it's really hard. I couldn't raise enough support, and after about 10 months of support raising I got married and then realized I was expecting shortly after and I sort of gave up the dream. At the time I felt it was the Lord's leading and so I guess I have to remind myself of that. I really, really hope and pray the Lord lets us go overseas someday though. I'm still living in North Carolina and my mom and sister are living close by, so that's cool. I also have two nephews! They're great. I don't know if the blogging thing will continue or not... We'll see.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Victoria says... Naps.

After reading the "He Said, She Said" post on Naps, I feel like I have to tell you guys about my most recent, exciting nap.

So the other day I lay down thinking that I just have to take a quick nap before going to bible study. I told my mom to wake me up at like five o'clock. That was going to give me a good hour to take a nap. I, unlike Troy, Heather or Amy (The Wonder Napper), cannot take a 20 minute nap. It just leaves me irritated that I couldn't fall asleep fast enough. So, I lay down and it was one of those days where I just passed out. I was on top of the covers on my bed, I didn't even prepare myself for a good nap (good nap preparation looks like actually going to bed.) So I passed out and didn't even dream. What seemed like five minutes later, my sister is waking me up and I'm laying in a pool of moisture and I'm like "Whu..who...what?..kaylee?nap?drool?why...DROOL!"

It. was. gross. I was like, am I a 90 year old man? or a six year old boy? that fell asleep? during first grade? and then got made fun of the rest of the week? and called "drool boy"? no girlfriend till fifth grade? old man?

Now, you must know that I do NOT normally drool. I promise. I've drooled like 4 times in my life... I swear I'm not gross.

Seriously though- great nap. I was like out. I woke up feeling years younger- almost like I was 20 instead of 22. It was one of those naps that I didn't even dream. GREAT nap.

It leaves me thinking though, I think that if you don't drool often... and you drool every once in a while just during random naps... and the nap was AWESOME... that you're not so gross... I hope.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

From my friend Amanda's bedroom...

I've been doing a lot of moving around lately. In the last two weeks, I haven't slept in the same bed more than three nights in a row. I'm a bed hopper. *proceeds to jump on bed giggling then falls down and resumes post*

Just kidding, I didn't jump on the bed. (Amanda reads my blog)

Anyways... The last week has been busy but good. I've had a couple of meetings that resulted in a couple more monthly supporters so that's SUPER. I also feel like doors for more opportunities to share what I'm doing keep opening up left and right.

I'm supposed to be going home next week but I feel like there is a lot more to do here. I think I'm going to go home anyway for a couple of weeks and get my visa stuff in order so that I can come back here next month at some point and submit that and raise more. LOTS TO DO, PEOPLE, LOTS TO DO!

We've also been watching some of the Olympics... Phelps is RIDIC!... and the little Chinese girl gymnasts are definitely 16 years old guys... COMBINED. Also ridic, but in a different way.

The last couple of days I've had lunch meetings and dinner things with people and I feel like crap because yesterday I had Five Guys (for those of you who have been out of America for a while- best burgers and fries EVER- seriously... NO SERIOUSLY) and it was after two days of eating crap and I feel like I'm covered in hamburger meat and deep fried. That's gross. I'm only eating carrots for three days. Not really- But that's what I'm going to pretend all of my food is.

That is all.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


Like I've said fifty times, I've been reading through Psalms. I'm up to Psalm 78. I feel like the last couple of psalms I've read I've been underlining like it's my job. I'm really diggin it.

So something that caught my eye in Psalm 78 was verse 57. David is writing about how unfaithful the Israelites were and how the Lord responded to their unfaithfulness. Often, for short periods of time, the Lord would let disaster overtake them but he was unfailing in his mercy towards them. While David is venting, he says, "Like their fathers they were disloyal and faithless, as unreliable as a faulty bow."

This is the first time in scripture that I can recall reading anything about reliability. After reading this verse I had to ask myself, am I reliable? My first thought was to measure my reliability in terms of how I am with people, but I don't think that's what this verse implies. I think the question here is, "Am I reliable to the Lord?"

Is my character and reliability such that, if the Lord were not all knowing, he would still put spiritually dying people in my path? If He really wanted something done, and put me in a position to do it, and if he were not all knowing, would I disappoint?

I'm sure I often do disappoint but my prayer is that I become a reliable tool in the Lord's hands. I want to be consistent and reliable to behave the way the Lord has asked, so that if he were not all knowing, He could still count on me. I want him to be able to say, "I'll stick Victoria there. She always comes through."

*end normal post*

What kind of post would it be if I didn't have a picture. So! Things that are reliable (just to give you a visual):