Psalms: Book I

So like I said before, I've been going through the book of Psalms. Today I finished "Book I." Book I includes Psalm 1-41. About half way through I realized that I'd never in my life remember all the cool stuff I was reading. It seemed certain Psalms stuck out to me for certain reasons and I'd read most of them while saying to myself, "self, this would be great for when you feel like (insert emotion here)." Knowing that I'd never remember that when I was actually feeling (insert same emotion), I thought, HEY I'll make a bookmark with all this stuff and put it in the beginning of Psalms so when I'm feeling (again, note the pattern...), I can know where to go. SO... behold.



It fits so purty.

So here's what I got. These are the things that stick out to me, and some are just verses out of chapters that I underlined and then stuck the chapter in the category, so it's pretty personalized, however, if you want to know what Psalms to go to for confession or for fear, I thought I'd put it on my blog. You'll have to make your own little bookmark though.

Psalms Index- Book I (Chapters 1-41)
Scripture/Meditation on the law: Chapters 1,12, 18,19,33
God's Sovereignty: Chapters 2,16,20,22,27,29,30
Fear: Chapters 3,16,20,23,27,34
Anger: Chapter 4
Confession of Sin: Chapters 19,25,32,38,39,40
God is Near and Hears: Chapters 5,9,10,11,13,18,22,23,25,27,28,30,31,34,40
Waiting: Chapters 5,13,16,27,31,33,37,40
Bad Personality Traits/Warnings: Chapters 5,7,9,10,12,14,15,16,19,28,36,37
God's Majesty and Handiwork: Chapters 8,18,19,24,29,33
Frustration: Chapters 13,22,25,39
Holy Hill: Chapters 15,24,26
Sleep: Chapters 3,4,16,23
What God has for me: Chapters 16,27,31,39,40

So there it is. I'm hoping to keep going so eventually there will be a books II-V. This has been cool though. I encourage you to do it yourself at some point, I'm getting a lot out of it.

Psalm 13

Anyone who's known me for longer than five minutes is bound to know that I have a lot going through my head. I'm not necessarily a busy person with a lot of things to keep track of, it's more that I have fifty useless but brain consuming things going on in my head simultaneously. These things are things like:

1. if a tidal wave were to come over the horizon right now, what would my escape route be?
2. will my grandparents be in heaven? are my great grandparents?
3. do tattoos really hurt that bad?
4. is God really real? is this just some giant delusion I'm a part of or am I just part of the minority that has it figured out?
5. if I had a million dollars and one day to spend it, what would I do?
6. how bad do I want chicken parmesan right now?
g. are my cousins okay? if my littlest cousin isn't being taken care of like I hear, is it my duty to take her and raise her and have to live in America forever?
8. is the world really going to end in 2012 like the Incas on the history channel said?

This is just a sampling of what went through my head yesterday in like, probably an hour. I'm always wrestling with my thoughts- always. It's exhausting and it makes me want to be apathetic about real things that are happening because the world seems so big and daunting in my head.
Most of the time, it's the questions about God that keep me up. It's the questions about if I'm doing everything I can to be open to his leading, questions about Hell, questions about whether or not there is any hope for certain people in my life... the list goes on and on.

I've been reading through Psalms lately. I've always thought they were pretty superficial- people are way more impressed with, "yeah, I've been studying the migratory patterns of the sheep of Israel in Habakkuk" than "I'm reading Psalms." The reason I started reading Psalms actually was because of these thoughts in my head all the time. I wanted something light and airy that I could just read and be like, oh, how nice, and then go to bed without contemplating the universe first.
But how I was mistaken, gentle readers, but HOW!

Psalm thirteen was written for people like me. Verse two says "How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?" That verse really stuck out to me because most days, this is how I feel. Anyways, it goes on in verses five and six to say "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me."

I thought this was great because focusing on 1. the Lord's unfailing love, 2. our salvation, and 3. the Lord's goodness to me, always redirects my thoughts to somewhere where there is hope for the world and there's hope for me. This passage is even more beautiful to us, nowadays, than it was when it was written because we can contemplate our salvation fully now that we know Christ. If the doctrine of grace, the Lord's unmerited favor, cannot soothe my weary mind, I don't know what can. It reminds me that my burdens fall on Christ's shoulders alone if I'll let him take them. I prove to myself every day that they're too heavy for me alone to bear.

In closing, if you haven't read through Psalms in a while and you already understand Habakkuk, I recommend it. I'll be posting more about more of them soon.

How I'm Doing

So the last week or so has been good. I'm up in Northern Virginia for like the next two months. This support raising has been a little harrowing. I feel like there's a lot of work to do but a lot of waiting involved which I'm not normally good at;but, I'm learning.
Virginia has been kind of lonely, which I wasn't expecting at all. I mean, I've seen people and gotten to hang out with some good friends, but it's weird- I don't feel like I belong here anymore. I guess that's a good thing because if I did feel like I belonged I'd want to stay for longer than I'm able, but it's still weird. I feel like it's also a time in which I'm meant to focus on seeking the Lord for companionship and comfort. Sounds gooshy but whatever. I've been really convicted of spending most of my down time doing useless stuff instead of spending it in prayer or in study or even reading something beneficial.
I'm also a little discouraged lately because people keep saying things to me like, "well if your student loan is that high, I can't see you going straight onto the missions field..." or "hey, I found a job for you next year teaching, you know, if this whole missions thing doesn't work out..." or " you know, missions is usually something retirees do when they have money to blow. You're wasting your education..." Literally, word for word. I'm not even embellishing this time.
Usually I retort with some witty comeback like "you're a ho," or "well, I really feel called to Spain so I know God will come up with the money..." One of the two. But after hearing it from the people that I was expecting to be most supportive, it knocked me back and made me ask, "Have I really been called? Is this something I just really want to do? or is this something God is asking me to do? or both?" It's a tough question and I don't honestly know the answer. I do know, however, that the more I talk to people about what I'm going into, the more passionate about it I get and that I could talk all day long about my church, Oasis.
On the other hand, I feel like out of most people, I'm really irresponsible and I've taken a lot for granted in my life. I feel like I've had a lot handed to me. I feel like if there were ever a shoe to drop, now's the time, and it would be totally appropriate for God to be like, okay, you had a great four years, but welcome to your real life and the real world.
I know God isn't a cosmic killjoy, but I feel like the life I'm trying to prepare for is too good to be true and definitely too good for someone like me.
I also know God is gracious.

For All Missionaries

I was skipping through blogs the other day and I came across John Calvin's commentary on Philippians 2:21. I read his commentary before I read the verse- so that's the order I'll write it in. It's worth reading.

"For you must give up your own right if you would discharge your duty: a regard to your own interest must not be put in preference to Christ's glory, or even placed upon a level with it. Withersoever Christ calls you, you must go promptly, leaving off all other things. Your calling ought to be regarded by you in such a way that you shall turn away all your powers of perception from everything that would impede you. It might be your power to live elsewhere in greater opulence, but God has bound you to the Church, which affords you but a very moderate sustenance. (haha) You might elsewhere have more honour, but God has assigned you to a situation, in which you live in a humble style. You might have elsewhere a more salubrious [healthful] sky, or a more delightful region, but it is here that your station is appointed. You might wish to have to do with a more humane people. You feel offended with their ingratitude, or barbarity, or pride; in short, you have no sympathy with the disposition of the manners of the nation in which you are, but you must struggle with yourself, and do violence in a manner to opposing inclinations, that you may keep by the trade you have got; for you are not free, or at your own disposal. In fine, forget yourself, if you would serve God."

AMEN, right? Wow. Here's to doing violence to opposing inclinations and turning away all our powers of perception to other things. Troy said something like this to me before I left for America, something about being where I am right now 100%. So yeah. I think all people working in ministry should know this quote. Plus, Calvin uses the word withersoever.

Now here's how Paul put it in Philippians. "For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ."
Succinct Paul, succinct.