Sisterhood of the Traveling Toast

I love toast. Oasis is a good church for me to be in too because they love toast. We're one big happy toast family.
I like toast with
butter,
jelly,
honey,
cinnamon sugar,
nutella,
peanut butter,
peanut butter and chocolate sprinkles (thank you Holland for your contribution to the world of toast),
peanut butter and jelly
and I like blt's which one must make on toast.

I love toast!

Here are my secrets for perfect toast:
1. Don't refrigerate your butter. It won't go bad, you're just being a germophobe.
2. Make your toast after you've already made your tea or coffee but mostly tea because coffee is sick... so that it doesn't get cold while you're waiting for your morning beverage of choice. You must eat your toast warm, Frodo.
3. My final secret for perfect toast is this: once your toast pops up punch the toaster. Just kidding. Once your toast pops up, take one piece out and butter it THEN take the other piece out. By doing this, the second toast doesn't get unnecessarily chilly while you're buttering your first toast.

Now, there are different camps of toast making. I must say, I am not the queen of toast. Troy Cady is. Not only does he make some mean toast but he spreads the butter and the cinnamon sugar to all laterals of the quadrilateral toast. He also makes grilled cheese like a mofo*.**. So, in summation, Troy makes toast good, but by following my three secrets to toast, you can also make toast good too. I love toast.


*I can use the word "mofo" here because one time my mom called me a mofo because she heard it on t.v. and didn't know what it meant. She was like "pick up your socks, mofo," and I was like WHAT? And my sister almost peed in her pants. So I use "mofo" here in that sense. I also use it because no one will read it as the extended version as they would a$$ or buttmunch.
**I use "mofo" in the good sense like Amy uses "sick" every time she sees good dancing.