There is a line between everything; the place where hate becomes violence; the place where instruction becomes force; the place where love becomes obsession.. I am really bad at finding lines. Not hate or obsession lines, that's kind of creepy. I'm talking about Biblical lines, the lines that actually matter in my daily life- the line between truth and love, the line between going and making disciples and throwing pearls to swine, the line between Jesus being my righteousness and my righteous acts are as dirty rags. I cannot find the line between sin and freedom nor exercising my liberty and making my brother stumble. Where's the line between sanctification and the humility to know that I cannot make myself sanctified? What about the line between waiting patiently in prayer and laziness? What about apathy and trust? What about faith and wishful thinking? What about knowing the truth and it setting you free and being crushed by a quick glimpse of what you were just freed from? What about entering the kingdom of Heaven as a child and being ready to give an answer to the cynics and the intellectuals and those that are out to prove you look like an idiot and a lemming?
Most people strive for something in life that can be obtained, that can be grasped, whether it be fortune, fame, fancy things or contentment. It is God's will that I be sanctified, so it is the thing I try to obtain, to grasp hold of, yet.. it is the one thing that I know is impossible.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
I Come Bearing Syrup
Well, its been a while. Finals were brutal, hence the month or so it's been since I last updated. Christmas at home was great. For some reason, even though I love the people here, I don't think it would feel all Christmassy without my family. This Christmas was fairly uneventful in comparison to previous Christmasses. Can you pluralize Christmas? I don't know. Anyways, last Christmas I drove ten hours in one day to pick up my puking sister. The Christmas before- I don't remember but I remember it wasn't normal. Most of my family holidays are pretty dysfuntional. Christmas is no exception. But this Christmas, at home anyway, was pretty good. I woke up, opened some great presents, watched my mom open the espresso maker I got her (best daughter ever award) and then we made coffee (which I don't drink, but thats no reason to be selfish) and made a really big breakfast and then we ... dont remeber what happened next. it was like two weeks ago. i cant remember that far back.
Now, with two holidays such as Christmas and New Years so close together, the normalacy couldn't last for long. New Years rolled around. For New Years eve I went to chaperone for my church's all nighter- but I only stayed until like one, then I left. When I got home super late, my mom was still up and we watched the World Poker Tour. There are certain things I will always watch if they are on tv. One is the World Poker Tour. The others include, the Iron Chef, M.A.S.H, any sort of pool tourney and the cartoon Recess. I just recently watched a billiards trick-shot tournament. That was great, but I digress. New Years day was dysfuctional in all its glory. My aunt came down from New Jersey. Just let the word New Jersey ring in your heads for a moment. Hopefully none of my avid readers are from New Jersey, but if you are, you'll know even better what I'm talking about and take pride in your specialness. My aunt also has really, really big hair and her life's pursuit right now is winning the lottery. Folks, she even has me convinced that one day, she will win the deluxmultimillionsuperfantastic prize and pay for everything for me forever. Not only is she my aunt, but she is my godmother. So she's obligated by religious law to throw some of that dough my way. And she will because although her hair casts a shadow like a hot air balloon, she is extremely generous and loving to my sister and I. When she got there, my mom made coffee (which my aunt doesn't drink either) because thats all my mom does now. Since the espresso maker, she makes coffee for every occasion. Saturday mail arrives= coffee. clock strikes two= coffee. commercial comes on= coffee time! She makes coffee at like 8 at night too, then can't sleep. But she wont stop because she loves coffee. After my mom made coffee, we went to my grandpa's house with my uncle Joe. Uncle Joe used to be in the army. Uncle joe has his snipers license. Uncle Joe brought a 22 and a German mouzer to the festivities. So I shot guns all afternoon. I'm like a regular Annie Ocle/Okley/Okly (can't spell). I shot the can off the bucket twice. And shot the bucket a lot. I have pretty good aim. After that, we had dinner at my grandpa's heretofore referred to as Pop. It was pretty good and I learned of a superstition the his wife's family has on New Years, which is to make sure a dark haired man walks through the door before anyone else in the New Year. I made some people mad when I was the first to rush in. Hey, I wanted to hug Pop, you people can stick it in your eye. Then, a couple of hours later, we proceded to drive to my grandma's house, heretofore referred to as Nana. Nana's house is about two hours south. So we were driving and whining a lot. But my aunt has to be generous and loving to EVERYONE on all the holidays so we went to her house to. She made dinner, which was really good, as it always is. I'm pretty sure I ate about twelve pounds of food in all. She doesn't seem to realize that I cant eat an entire chicken and thirty potatoes by myself. I just can't do it! I do try, for her sake, every time I go. But I cant. I'm not Andre the Giant, and I'm pretty sure he couldn't either. [enter dysfunction] Uncle Pete lives with Nana. He's a Vietnam vet that used to have quite a drinking problem and one day gave it all up and started planting things and housing bunnies and kitties. Well, he hasn't given up the kitties but he has found himself dipping into the sauce again if you know what I'm saying. So all night he would sit out on the deck playing ridiculously loud country music, coming in every so often to make sure we all loved him and telling us how beautiful we all were. Lots of love and beauty flowing in there.
What felt like forty two hours later, we left. I slept on the way home and all in all it was an interesting beginning to the year 2006. I turn twenty this year. Technically, I have been alive, or at least in existance, for twenty years already. So my birthdays not gonna be that bigadeal.
In closing, I'd like to say a few things to the year 2006: "You're gonna feel shorter than 2005 because every year has that problem, so you're at a bit of a disadvantage. However, that doesn't mean you can't take the cake for best year ever! There's still a chance for you. So here's a little advice for you. Start off good, maintain your goodness and end good. See, we're all winners."
Now, with two holidays such as Christmas and New Years so close together, the normalacy couldn't last for long. New Years rolled around. For New Years eve I went to chaperone for my church's all nighter- but I only stayed until like one, then I left. When I got home super late, my mom was still up and we watched the World Poker Tour. There are certain things I will always watch if they are on tv. One is the World Poker Tour. The others include, the Iron Chef, M.A.S.H, any sort of pool tourney and the cartoon Recess. I just recently watched a billiards trick-shot tournament. That was great, but I digress. New Years day was dysfuctional in all its glory. My aunt came down from New Jersey. Just let the word New Jersey ring in your heads for a moment. Hopefully none of my avid readers are from New Jersey, but if you are, you'll know even better what I'm talking about and take pride in your specialness. My aunt also has really, really big hair and her life's pursuit right now is winning the lottery. Folks, she even has me convinced that one day, she will win the deluxmultimillionsuperfantastic prize and pay for everything for me forever. Not only is she my aunt, but she is my godmother. So she's obligated by religious law to throw some of that dough my way. And she will because although her hair casts a shadow like a hot air balloon, she is extremely generous and loving to my sister and I. When she got there, my mom made coffee (which my aunt doesn't drink either) because thats all my mom does now. Since the espresso maker, she makes coffee for every occasion. Saturday mail arrives= coffee. clock strikes two= coffee. commercial comes on= coffee time! She makes coffee at like 8 at night too, then can't sleep. But she wont stop because she loves coffee. After my mom made coffee, we went to my grandpa's house with my uncle Joe. Uncle Joe used to be in the army. Uncle joe has his snipers license. Uncle Joe brought a 22 and a German mouzer to the festivities. So I shot guns all afternoon. I'm like a regular Annie Ocle/Okley/Okly (can't spell). I shot the can off the bucket twice. And shot the bucket a lot. I have pretty good aim. After that, we had dinner at my grandpa's heretofore referred to as Pop. It was pretty good and I learned of a superstition the his wife's family has on New Years, which is to make sure a dark haired man walks through the door before anyone else in the New Year. I made some people mad when I was the first to rush in. Hey, I wanted to hug Pop, you people can stick it in your eye. Then, a couple of hours later, we proceded to drive to my grandma's house, heretofore referred to as Nana. Nana's house is about two hours south. So we were driving and whining a lot. But my aunt has to be generous and loving to EVERYONE on all the holidays so we went to her house to. She made dinner, which was really good, as it always is. I'm pretty sure I ate about twelve pounds of food in all. She doesn't seem to realize that I cant eat an entire chicken and thirty potatoes by myself. I just can't do it! I do try, for her sake, every time I go. But I cant. I'm not Andre the Giant, and I'm pretty sure he couldn't either. [enter dysfunction] Uncle Pete lives with Nana. He's a Vietnam vet that used to have quite a drinking problem and one day gave it all up and started planting things and housing bunnies and kitties. Well, he hasn't given up the kitties but he has found himself dipping into the sauce again if you know what I'm saying. So all night he would sit out on the deck playing ridiculously loud country music, coming in every so often to make sure we all loved him and telling us how beautiful we all were. Lots of love and beauty flowing in there.
What felt like forty two hours later, we left. I slept on the way home and all in all it was an interesting beginning to the year 2006. I turn twenty this year. Technically, I have been alive, or at least in existance, for twenty years already. So my birthdays not gonna be that bigadeal.
In closing, I'd like to say a few things to the year 2006: "You're gonna feel shorter than 2005 because every year has that problem, so you're at a bit of a disadvantage. However, that doesn't mean you can't take the cake for best year ever! There's still a chance for you. So here's a little advice for you. Start off good, maintain your goodness and end good. See, we're all winners."
Monday, November 14, 2005
The Day That Nothing Happened
hey... kelly comes back in fifteen days. it's funny to think, but we've been roomates for a couple of months now, but i think we've only lived together for like three days. ive decided that im not gonna capitalize anymore. its a public institution that has far outlived its usefullness.
i couldn't decide what to write, although a new update is way past due. so i figured.. if i cant think of something now, i have to ride the wave of my previous creativity. thats right, were breaking out the old journals.
Friday, November 19, 1999
"Nothing happened. (smiley face drawn in)
let's analyze this. on the nineteenth of november, nineteen ninety nine, nothing happened. i dont know how many times in history absolutely nothing happened, but i trust the journal i wrote when i was thirteen as a historically accurate document. therefore, we have something amazing here. nothing happened. people got up, ate breakfast, went to work/school, had work/school all day, in the middle, they ate an ordinary lunch, probably went to the bathroom during the day, came home, watched tv, ate dinner, watched more tv, and went to sleep. the next day was probably much more exciting and fun. in fact, this november nineteenth, in five days, will be the six year anniversary of that day, the day where nothing happened. it will be a saturday, and i will be in barcelona- so that day of nothingness will obviously not be repeated. but i will celebrate it with dance and song. maybe i'll write a dirge.
i couldn't decide what to write, although a new update is way past due. so i figured.. if i cant think of something now, i have to ride the wave of my previous creativity. thats right, were breaking out the old journals.
Friday, November 19, 1999
"Nothing happened. (smiley face drawn in)
let's analyze this. on the nineteenth of november, nineteen ninety nine, nothing happened. i dont know how many times in history absolutely nothing happened, but i trust the journal i wrote when i was thirteen as a historically accurate document. therefore, we have something amazing here. nothing happened. people got up, ate breakfast, went to work/school, had work/school all day, in the middle, they ate an ordinary lunch, probably went to the bathroom during the day, came home, watched tv, ate dinner, watched more tv, and went to sleep. the next day was probably much more exciting and fun. in fact, this november nineteenth, in five days, will be the six year anniversary of that day, the day where nothing happened. it will be a saturday, and i will be in barcelona- so that day of nothingness will obviously not be repeated. but i will celebrate it with dance and song. maybe i'll write a dirge.
Friday, November 04, 2005
Something To Think About
I was listening to a sermon by Ravi Zacharias and he gave this little tidbit of greatness that I want to share with everyone. And yes mom, I will post pictures eventually.
"One of the just men came to Sodom determined to save its inhabitants from sin and punishment. Night and day he walked the streets and markets protesting against greed and theft, falsehood and indifference. In the beginning people listened and smiled ironically. Then they stopped listening; he no longer even amused them. The killers went on killing, the wise kept silent as if there were no just men in their midst. One day a child, moved by compassion for this unfortunate teacher, approached him with these words: 'poor stranger, you shout. you scream. dont you see that it is hopeless?'
'Yes I see that,' said the just man.
'Then why do you go on shouting and screaming?'
'I'll tell you why, little boy. In the beginning I thought I could change man. Today I know I can't. If I still shout today, if I still scream today, it is to prevent man from ultimatly changing me.' " ~Some Jewish Guy whose name I dont remember
very interesting.
"One of the just men came to Sodom determined to save its inhabitants from sin and punishment. Night and day he walked the streets and markets protesting against greed and theft, falsehood and indifference. In the beginning people listened and smiled ironically. Then they stopped listening; he no longer even amused them. The killers went on killing, the wise kept silent as if there were no just men in their midst. One day a child, moved by compassion for this unfortunate teacher, approached him with these words: 'poor stranger, you shout. you scream. dont you see that it is hopeless?'
'Yes I see that,' said the just man.
'Then why do you go on shouting and screaming?'
'I'll tell you why, little boy. In the beginning I thought I could change man. Today I know I can't. If I still shout today, if I still scream today, it is to prevent man from ultimatly changing me.' " ~Some Jewish Guy whose name I dont remember
very interesting.
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