Five Years Later

Wow, this is bizarre. I was looking through blogs today for the first time in a really long time and I thought, hey, I'm gonna blog. I'm not sure anyone still reads my blog but this still feels therapeutic just the same. So, five years later... I'm 26, married for four years to the guy who gave me the Camel book and the ministry to Muslim women book in my last Victoria show, and drumroll please... I have two kids! Which is crazy! I never made it overseas. I'm still trying to see that as something other than a life failure, but some days it's really hard. I couldn't raise enough support, and after about 10 months of support raising I got married and then realized I was expecting shortly after and I sort of gave up the dream. At the time I felt it was the Lord's leading and so I guess I have to remind myself of that. I really, really hope and pray the Lord lets us go overseas someday though. I'm still living in North Carolina and my mom and sister are living close by, so that's cool. I also have two nephews! They're great. I don't know if the blogging thing will continue or not... We'll see.

Victoria says... Naps.

After reading the "He Said, She Said" post on Naps, I feel like I have to tell you guys about my most recent, exciting nap.

So the other day I lay down thinking that I just have to take a quick nap before going to bible study. I told my mom to wake me up at like five o'clock. That was going to give me a good hour to take a nap. I, unlike Troy, Heather or Amy (The Wonder Napper), cannot take a 20 minute nap. It just leaves me irritated that I couldn't fall asleep fast enough. So, I lay down and it was one of those days where I just passed out. I was on top of the covers on my bed, I didn't even prepare myself for a good nap (good nap preparation looks like actually going to bed.) So I passed out and didn't even dream. What seemed like five minutes later, my sister is waking me up and I'm laying in a pool of moisture and I'm like "Whu..who...what?..kaylee?nap?drool?why...DROOL!"

It. was. gross. I was like, am I a 90 year old man? or a six year old boy? that fell asleep? during first grade? and then got made fun of the rest of the week? and called "drool boy"? no girlfriend till fifth grade? old man?

Now, you must know that I do NOT normally drool. I promise. I've drooled like 4 times in my life... I swear I'm not gross.

Seriously though- great nap. I was like out. I woke up feeling years younger- almost like I was 20 instead of 22. It was one of those naps that I didn't even dream. GREAT nap.

It leaves me thinking though, I think that if you don't drool often... and you drool every once in a while just during random naps... and the nap was AWESOME... that you're not so gross... I hope.

From my friend Amanda's bedroom...

I've been doing a lot of moving around lately. In the last two weeks, I haven't slept in the same bed more than three nights in a row. I'm a bed hopper. *proceeds to jump on bed giggling then falls down and resumes post*

Just kidding, I didn't jump on the bed. (Amanda reads my blog)

Anyways... The last week has been busy but good. I've had a couple of meetings that resulted in a couple more monthly supporters so that's SUPER. I also feel like doors for more opportunities to share what I'm doing keep opening up left and right.

I'm supposed to be going home next week but I feel like there is a lot more to do here. I think I'm going to go home anyway for a couple of weeks and get my visa stuff in order so that I can come back here next month at some point and submit that and raise more. LOTS TO DO, PEOPLE, LOTS TO DO!

We've also been watching some of the Olympics... Phelps is RIDIC!... and the little Chinese girl gymnasts are definitely 16 years old guys... COMBINED. Also ridic, but in a different way.

The last couple of days I've had lunch meetings and dinner things with people and I feel like crap because yesterday I had Five Guys (for those of you who have been out of America for a while- best burgers and fries EVER- seriously... NO SERIOUSLY) and it was after two days of eating crap and I feel like I'm covered in hamburger meat and deep fried. That's gross. I'm only eating carrots for three days. Not really- But that's what I'm going to pretend all of my food is.




That is all.

Reliable

Like I've said fifty times, I've been reading through Psalms. I'm up to Psalm 78. I feel like the last couple of psalms I've read I've been underlining like it's my job. I'm really diggin it.

So something that caught my eye in Psalm 78 was verse 57. David is writing about how unfaithful the Israelites were and how the Lord responded to their unfaithfulness. Often, for short periods of time, the Lord would let disaster overtake them but he was unfailing in his mercy towards them. While David is venting, he says, "Like their fathers they were disloyal and faithless, as unreliable as a faulty bow."

This is the first time in scripture that I can recall reading anything about reliability. After reading this verse I had to ask myself, am I reliable? My first thought was to measure my reliability in terms of how I am with people, but I don't think that's what this verse implies. I think the question here is, "Am I reliable to the Lord?"

Is my character and reliability such that, if the Lord were not all knowing, he would still put spiritually dying people in my path? If He really wanted something done, and put me in a position to do it, and if he were not all knowing, would I disappoint?

I'm sure I often do disappoint but my prayer is that I become a reliable tool in the Lord's hands. I want to be consistent and reliable to behave the way the Lord has asked, so that if he were not all knowing, He could still count on me. I want him to be able to say, "I'll stick Victoria there. She always comes through."

*end normal post*

What kind of post would it be if I didn't have a picture. So! Things that are reliable (just to give you a visual):

Top Ten Summer Foods

After reading Troy and Heather's blog, "He Said, She Said" (see link to the left) I decided to add my opinions about the top ten best summer foods- mostly because they (read Troy... Heather is pretty normal...) skipped all the good ones and added ones like powdered donuts and bacon bits... ridiculous. SO! Without further ado-

Victoria's Top Ten Summer Foods Extravaganza

1. Potato salad or macaroni salad with NO mustardy flavoring whatsoever.

2. Watermelon (me and my mom used to get a whole one and cut it in half and eat it like they were two bowls of watermelon.)

3. Ribs.. or really any pork products cooked outside with some sort of BBQ sauce... but not hotdogs.

4. Corn on the Cob

5. FUNNEL CAKES!

6. Good, ripe peaches. Goin to the country... gonna eat me a lotta peaches. PEACHES PEACHES IN A CAN! THEY WERE PUT THERE BY A MAN!

7. Strawberry shortcake. The kind with those frozen strawberries PLUS real ones so you get the sugary syrupy syrup with it and the "shortcake" made out of bisquick! MMM!

8. Popsicles. Not American ones- the ones you get from the kioskos in Madrid. There's this one kind that has like, this mangoey inside with these strips of other flavors spiraled around the outside... omagoodness.

9. ICEE's... NOT slurpies or slushies. Those are way different and, although they are good, they cannot touch a freshly made ICEE. I haven't had one in a really long time though. But I want one. Now.

10. I'm gonna go ahead and mention potato salad again because it is so delicious. I could eat a bowl of it for every meal during the months of May, June, July and August. But remember- NO mustard.

Hey Jude

Jude 20-25
But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.
Be merciful to those who doubt; snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.
To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.

I liked this a lot. The "snatch others from the fire" reminds me of a poem that I read a while back- it's my favorite poem ever:

Some want to live within the sound of church or chapel bell;
I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of hell.

I'm sure that's been on my blog before but I was reminded of it recently. Pretty cool. I hope that's my life because everything else seems so boring.

My Show #4

My Show #4 from Victoria Stembokas on Vimeo.

From my friend Roxy's bedroom:

Hi. So I'm up in Virginia- Vienna more specifically... Actually even MORE exact, I'm in My friend Roxy's bedroom in Vienna sitting on the bed. That's where I am. In case you were wondering. Which I know you all were.

ANYWAYS, I've been up for a couple of days. It's been nice seeing people I haven't seen in a while and I saw the movie BATMAN which was AMAZING. Really good movie. Really. WAAAY better than Wall-E. I had to shut my eyes at one point because I was scared something was gonna happen but it didn't so it's okay. Vague, I know, but I don't wanna ruin the movie for anyone. But you should see it. All of you.

I'm also off to the Dominican Republic on Wednesday morning- like five am. That'll be exciting. I'm really looking forward to it. I'll let you know how it went when I get back so I won't be updating for awhile.

Nothing else TOO exciting- well, that's a lie, but I can't write EVERYTHING on my blog- has happened so that is all. For now.

An Interesting Week

So this week a lot has been going on.
I'm planning on going back up to Virginia on Wednesday to raise more support for a while and go to the Dominican Republic on a missions trip with my old church. I've been in NC for like twoish or more? months now (it's late and I can't remember) and I haven't had ANYONE to hang out with this whole time. Like, no friends. My family is great and everything but sometimes you need friends. So yeah, no friends until like the last week and a half and I've been hanging out with people for the last couple of days. I'm like, crap. Why now.

The next couple weeks are gonna be crazy. I don't really know what to do to raise more support and I don't feel prepared at all. So that's all about that.

Malaki turned one this weekend too. It's been fun hanging out with him. He's getting super cute. I hope he remembers me when I get back.

I'm going to miss talking to one person in particular I met recently. Darn.

My Nana (the Ukrainian one) will be living with us for the next month. I won't be around so she'll be staying in my room. Apparently she was getting tired of living with my uncle so she called me Wednesday night and was like "can you come up to Virginia and get me?" so that was random. So she'll be here for a while. On our way back from VA I got the abstinence talk for like an hour. She said, "If boy touch you, you kick him in butt and say 'I don' need you.'" Good call. I've logged that away.

I saw Wall-E. Not great. It was about robots falling in love. That robot in that G-rated movie got farther with the other robot than I have in real life. SAD. I am excited though to see the new Batman which comes out in a couple of days. So that's cool.

I've been learning a lot about fasting lately. I highly recommend it for anyone that feels in any sort of "funk." Instead of deciding to fast certain times during the month I've been experimenting with this sort of "lifestyle" of fasting. You fast for longer periods of time and only eat when you must, like before work or before physical activity you know will require food. You may eat one small meal per day, but you're still in an attitude of fasting and can go longer than if you're eating no food. The Lord's been working through that in me so that's pretty exciting. I still lack wisdom and discernment and conviction in areas that I need it though so I really want to continue with it. I just feel like sometimes I have sooo far to go before I can be used by the Lord. I know that's not true but I feel so illequipped sometimes.

I should go to bed. I got stuff I gotta do tomorrow. Please pray for me. I'm getting a little overwhelmed by life right now.

Psalm Index: Book II

Yes folks... It has been a while but I have indeed finished PSALM INDEX BOOK DEUX! It took me longer than the first book because I've been going through First Corinthians at the same time. SO, without further ado- I give you, my index.

Chapters 42-72
What God has for me- 56,57,65,66,68,71
Distress/Depression- 42,49,55,60,61,66,68,69
Sleep- Chapters 42,62,63
Who God is/God's Power- 44,46,49,52,59,62,63,64,65,66,68,71,72
Plea for Help- 44,55
Warnings/Bad personality Traits- 49,50, 53,58,62
What God wants from me- 50,51,54,55,64,66,69
Confession- 51,69
Fear- 56

I hope that encourages someone somewhere to get into scripture to deal with stuff that's happening to you.
The first installment is here.

Six months today.

Ug. Support raising is booty. I don't want to be in the United States right now and I certainly don't want to be working at Denny's. I'm beginning to get frustrated with it all. I know the money will come and I know the Lord wants me back in Madrid, but it's the whole process of getting there and all the steps I have to go through that take effort. I'm just generally irritated right now.
My time with the Lord was going good for a while and then not so good because I never can seem to be faithful. I'm starting to get apathetic. Like- I just don't want to do anything at all, good or bad. I just want to sit and wait for something to happen. Blech. Bad feelings.
I know it's just a matter of time before I snap out of this funk- I'm a lot less dramatic this time, as in I know this wont last forever... it probably wont even last that long, but it's still a sucky place to be. I guess that's what a full six months here without Christian fellowship- real fellowship- will do to a person. Although, I guess that's just me blaming my crap on the lack of other people.
I can't believe I've been here for six months. I don't know whether that's encouraging or that makes me want to give up.

No mind has conceived.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."- Isaiah 64:4

I can't tell you how many times I've glossed over this verse and thought, wow, I wonder what great thing God has for me. I read it again a day or so ago in First Corinthians 2 where Paul is talking about what God has freely given us. Then it dawned on me. This verse was being quoted from Isaiah. This verse is about Jesus.

God is telling the Jews that their minds could not conceive of the gift he would be bringing them, the gift above all gifts, the gift of Jesus' atoning death on a cross. No one could have guessed that this gift would be the murder of God, who had come in the flesh, at their own hands.

This was the gift for those who loved God! This gift was infinitely more loving than merely delivering Israel physically and putting a Jewish man on the throne. No eye could envision scourging God, no ear could feign hearing the curtain rip! How much more loving an action than protecting that curtain!

When I expect God to protect my interests, or even my own self, am I asking for something less loving than what he has for me? My life might be more glorifying to God if he rips me rather than shields me. We must let God rip that which he originally knit together.

My Show #3

My Show #3 from Victoria Stembokas on Vimeo.

I Corinthians 1:30ish

So I've been going through First Corinthians. It's been great. I've been learning a lot and I feel like I should share some of it so WOOH.

1:30 "It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus who has become for us wisdom from God- that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption."

In this verse, Paul is equating wisdom with righteousness, holiness and redemption. Since they don't mean the same thing, it occurred to me that he's not saying that they are the same thing, but that they are equal in some other way. So I looked at the things righteousness, holiness and redemption have in common. The two things that we know about them we might not know about wisdom- that they are 1. freely given by God and cannot be earned and 2. that they are vital in a relationship of intimacy with Christ.

The first idea, that they are free gifts of grace, means that we cannot earn wisdom. I didn't really know this. I mean, the book of James talks about the Lord giving wisdom to he who asks for it, but it never occurred to me that you cannot gain wisdom by your own might any more than you can gain holiness or redemption. This is important for a couple of reasons- study can make you more knowledgeable, but like the rest of 1 Corinthians says, Christ crucified is foolishness to the world. Only the Lord gives wisdom which is great because you can be the dumbest buck on the planet but be wise if you know the gospel and have an intimate relationship with God.

That brings me to my second point. The value of righteousness, holiness and redemption lies in the fact that they open up a way to the Lord and keep that channel open. I never thought that wisdom might be important to this relationship- but the more I thought about it, the more it makes sense. Wisdom is the benefit that comes from reaping the fruits of righteousness, holiness and redemption. If we come to know the Lord and continue to know him- we gain wisdom from that- which then in turn means that wisdom is our intimate knowledge of God. It cannot be gained by mere study or knowing about God- it can only be gained as we give ourselves to the Lord and he in turn gives himself back. True wisdom only has value in its ability to bring further into that relationship of intimacy.

So basically, spending time with the Lord equips you to spend even more time with him- which is what's special about heaven, which brings more heaven to earth, which means that the kingdom of God comes a little bit more as we gain wisdom and redemption and wooh.

No.

Okay, so I have a little obsession with posting video clips. I can't help it. This one is also hilarious and goes with the last video I posted. Enjoy.

Ya Sabía.

This is a video I stole from Kelly's cousin's blog. It is hilarious.

My 101st Post

my show #2 from Victoria Stembokas on Vimeo.

I secretly want to be a talkshow host.

My Show #1 from Victoria Stembokas on Vimeo.

Aesthetic

Sometimes when I'm bored I browse through Flicker's random "interestingness."
Here are some pictures that caught my attention. They go in order of favoriteness so as to save the best for last.


I like this because I remember learning about the Dewey Decimal System in elementary school using the card catalogs. That was in like 1991. The other memory I associate with this is walking through a green tunnel of trees and leaves to get home after school. I don't think I should have been walking home from school by myself but I remember doing it anyway. It was a long walk and all I remember is the green.

I like this picture because of the perspective and the colors. I like the card catalog picture because of the focus, and this one takes the focus and depth to the next level. I also like the shinyness. I'd like to sit on that bench. The air around it seems cool and humid.

I really like this picture because it captures motion somehow better than most pictures. I know it's because of the blurry v. stationary image, but for some reason the longer I look at it, the longer I feel like I'm rushing backwards.

I like this picture because of the title that was given by the artist: "Used to be two cups." I find that sad and want to know what happened to the drinker of the other cup.

This one is my favorite. I like it because she's older but she's very beautiful. I think that age in itself is beautiful. There's something about youth that doesn't seem complete... like if she were younger she'd be missing something. I think her wrinkles are what makes the picture.

Public Recognition

I feel like this picture has not gotten the public recognition it deserves. So I'm posting it so you can just look at it.



Troy: When I think of you in my head, this is what I see.